Use luxury to celebrate your own achievements, not to seek validation from others.
Your Personal Trophy, Not a Public Billboard
Imagine you train for a year and finally complete a grueling marathon. The medal they give you at the end isn’t made of pure gold, but it’s priceless to you. You don’t wear it around your neck every day for strangers to see; you keep it on your desk. It’s a personal, physical reminder of your dedication and the pain you pushed through. Luxury should be your marathon medal. Buy that beautiful watch or bag to commemorate a hard-won promotion or a personal goal you crushed. It’s a trophy for an audience of one: you.
Stop buying luxury to fit in. Do use it to express your individuality instead.
The Blank Canvas, Not the Paint-by-Numbers
You can buy a paint-by-numbers kit and create a perfectly nice picture of a lighthouse that looks exactly like a thousand others. Or, you can be given a blank canvas and a set of paints. This is more intimidating, but it allows you to create a one-of-a-kind masterpiece that is a true expression of what’s inside you. Buying luxury just to have the “it” bag of the season is the paint-by-numbers approach. Using luxury to choose a unique piece that reflects your personal taste is handing yourself the blank canvas. Don’t just copy; create.
Stop thinking of luxury as a way to show off your wealth. Do see it as an appreciation for quality, craftsmanship, and beauty instead.
The Chef’s Knife, Not the Gold-Plated Stove
Imagine two kitchens. One is owned by a show-off and has a gold-plated stove that is rarely used. The other belongs to a master chef. In their kitchen, the most prized possession is a simple-looking but perfectly balanced, hand-forged knife. They don’t value it for its price, but for the hundreds of hours of skill it took to create it and the way it feels in their hand. Approaching luxury like the chef means you stop looking at the price tag and start looking at the human hands and the incredible skill that went into making something truly exceptional.
The #1 secret for a healthy relationship with luxury is to see it as a “want,” not a “need.”
Dessert vs. Water
Water is a fundamental need. Your body cannot survive without it. Dessert, on the other hand, is a wonderful want. It’s a source of joy, a celebration, a beautiful treat that makes a good meal even better. But you would never panic if you couldn’t have it. A healthy relationship with luxury understands this difference perfectly. Your life, your happiness, and your self-worth are the water. A beautiful handbag or a fine watch is the dessert. It’s a delightful addition to a life that is already whole, not the thing that makes it whole.
I’m just going to say it: Owning luxury accessories will not make you a better or more important person.
The Frame on the Painting
You can take a simple, crayon drawing from a child and put it in the most ornate, expensive, gold-leaf frame you can find. Does it change the drawing itself? No. It is still a child’s drawing. The frame only changes the presentation. A luxury accessory is a frame. It might be beautiful and well-made, but it does not change the fundamental character, kindness, or intelligence of the person wearing it. True value is in the painting, not the frame.
The reason you’re not happy with your luxury purchases is because you’re looking for fulfillment in the wrong place.
A Hammer Looking for a Screw
A hammer is an excellent tool, perfectly designed for pounding in nails. But if you have a screw that needs to be turned, the hammer is completely useless. No matter how beautifully designed or expensive the hammer is, hitting the screw with it will only make a mess and leave you frustrated. You’re using the right tool for the wrong job. Luxury is a hammer designed to celebrate beauty and craftsmanship. If you are trying to use it to fix a problem of inner fulfillment—a screw—it will always fail, leaving you just as empty as before.
If you’re still going into debt to buy luxury goods, you’re prioritizing the appearance of success over actual financial well-being.
The House with a Fake Front
Imagine a house that has a magnificent, movie-set facade. From the street, it looks like a grand, stable mansion. But if you walk around to the back, you realize it’s just a flat wall being held up by flimsy wooden beams. There is no foundation, nothing of substance behind it. Going into debt for luxury is like building that house. You are spending all of your resources on creating an impressive-looking front, while behind the scenes, your actual financial structure is weak and in danger of collapsing. True wealth is a solid foundation, not a pretty facade.
The biggest lie you’ve been told about luxury is that it will bring you lasting happiness.
The Sugar Rush from a Piece of Candy
When you eat a piece of candy, you get a wonderful, immediate rush of sugary pleasure. It’s a fantastic, happy feeling. But how long does it last? A few minutes, at most. And then it’s gone, often leaving you feeling a little bit worse than before. The thrill of a new luxury purchase is a sugar rush for your emotions. There is a very real, exciting “high” when you swipe your card and get the beautiful new box. But it is a fleeting feeling, not a state of being. It will not provide a deep, sustained sense of happiness.
I wish I knew that the joy of a luxury purchase is often in the anticipation and the hunt, not just the ownership.
Planning the Perfect Vacation
Think about the joy of planning a big vacation. You spend weeks reading travel blogs, looking at maps, and imagining all the amazing things you’ll do. This period of anticipation is often just as exciting, if not more so, than the trip itself. The same is true for a luxury purchase. The process of saving up, researching the perfect piece, and tracking it down is a huge part of the fun. Once you own it, it becomes a part of your normal life. Don’t rush the “hunt”—it’s a delicious part of the experience.
99% of people make this one mistake: buying luxury to fill an emotional void.
Trying to Patch a Leaky Bucket with a Sticker
Imagine you have a bucket with a hole in the bottom. It can’t hold water, and it feels empty. You could try to fix it by putting a big, shiny, expensive sticker over the hole. It might look better for a moment, but the sticker does nothing to fix the actual leak, and the bucket will remain just as empty. An emotional void—loneliness, insecurity, a lack of purpose—is that hole in the bucket. A luxury purchase is the shiny sticker. It’s a temporary, external distraction that does nothing to solve the internal problem.
This one small habit of practicing gratitude for what you already have will change your desire for more luxury goods.
The Gardener Who Tends Her Own Garden
Imagine a person who is so obsessed with their neighbor’s beautiful, prize-winning rose garden that they spend all their time staring over the fence, feeling jealous and inadequate. As a result, their own garden becomes neglected and filled with weeds. The moment they stop looking over the fence and start tending to their own plants—watering them, appreciating their unique blooms—their own garden begins to flourish. Practicing gratitude is the act of tending to your own garden. It shifts your focus from what you lack to the abundance you already possess.
Use luxury as a tool for self-expression, not as a crutch for your self-esteem.
A Microphone vs. a Recording of Applause
A microphone is a tool that can be used to amplify your own unique voice so that others can hear what you have to say. It helps you express yourself. A recording of applause, on the other hand, is a crutch. It’s an artificial sound of approval that you play when you feel insecure, but it isn’t real. Luxury should be your microphone—a tool you use to amplify your personal style and taste. If you’re using it to generate external validation to feel good about yourself, you’re just playing a recording of applause.
Stop comparing your collection to what you see on social media. Do remember that much of it is staged and not a reflection of reality.
The Highlight Reel vs. The Full Movie
When you watch a movie trailer, you are seeing the “highlight reel”—all the biggest explosions, the funniest jokes, and the most romantic kisses, edited together. You are not seeing the two hours of plot development, character flaws, and quiet moments. Social media is a highlight reel of people’s lives and possessions. You are seeing the carefully staged “perfect shot” of a handbag, not the credit card bill that came with it or the empty feeling the person felt an hour later. Don’t compare your full movie to someone else’s highlight reel.
Stop letting the desire for luxury control your life. Do be the one in control of your purchasing decisions.
The Rider and the Horse
Imagine you are riding a powerful, beautiful horse. If you are a skilled rider, you are in control. You guide the horse where you want to go, and it is a wonderful partnership. But if you are not in control, the horse will take the reins, bolting in whatever direction it pleases, and you are just clinging on for dear life. Your desire for luxury is that horse. You can either be the rider who makes conscious, thoughtful decisions, or you can let that desire run wild and drag your finances and your happiness wherever it wants to go.
The #1 hack for a more meaningful relationship with luxury is to focus on the experiences it can bring, not just the objects themselves.
The Souvenir from a Great Trip
Imagine you have a simple, small seashell on your desk. By itself, it is not a valuable object. But you picked it up on a beach during the most incredible vacation of your life. Now, that shell is infused with the memory of the warm sun, the sound of the waves, and the joy you felt. It is a key that unlocks an experience. The most meaningful luxury items are the ones that become souvenirs of your life. Buy that watch on your honeymoon. Get that scarf on a trip to Paris. Let the object become a key to a beautiful memory.
I’m just going to say it: The pursuit of luxury can be a very empty and unfulfilling one.
The Hamster on a Wheel
A hamster can run for miles and miles on its wheel. It is constantly in motion, constantly striving, constantly chasing the next rung. But at the end of the day, after all that effort, it has not actually gone anywhere. It is in the exact same spot in its cage. The endless pursuit of the next “it” bag or the newest, most hyped-up watch can be exactly like that hamster wheel. It can keep you in a constant state of wanting and chasing, without ever bringing you to a place of real, lasting contentment.
The reason your luxury items are not bringing you joy is because you’ve attached your self-worth to them.
A House Built on a Sandcastle
Imagine building a beautiful, elaborate house on top of a sandcastle on the beach. It might look magnificent for a moment, but you live in constant terror. The slightest wave could come and wash away your entire foundation, leaving you with nothing. When you attach your self-worth to a luxury object, you are building your house on a sandcastle. Your sense of value can be washed away the moment that item gets a scratch, goes out of style, or is seen on someone “better” than you. True self-worth must be built on the bedrock of your own character.
If you’re still buying luxury to impress people you don’t even like, you’re playing a losing game.
Throwing a Party for People You Can’t Stand
Imagine spending a fortune and a huge amount of effort to throw a lavish party. You don’t do it because you want to have fun; you do it because you want to impress a group of people that you secretly don’t even like or respect. How would you feel at the end of the night? Exhausted, broke, and empty. Buying luxury to impress a crowd you don’t care about is like throwing that party every single day. You are spending your own valuable time and money in a desperate attempt to win the approval of an audience that doesn’t matter.
The biggest lie you’ve been told is that the more luxury you have, the happier you will be.
Adding More and More Salt to Your Food
A little bit of salt can bring out the flavor of a dish and make it more enjoyable. But if you believe that “more salt equals more flavor,” you will quickly ruin the meal. After a certain point, adding more and more salt only makes the food inedible and unpleasant. A little bit of luxury can add a wonderful “flavor” to life. But the belief that “more luxury equals more happiness” is the same fallacy. After a certain point, the pursuit of more just brings more stress, more debt, and less satisfaction.
I wish I knew that true luxury is not about what you own, but about how you live your life.
The Five-Star Hotel vs. a Tent on a Mountaintop
A five-star hotel can be a wonderful luxury. It has soft sheets, attentive service, and every possible amenity. But for some, the ultimate luxury is sleeping in a simple tent on a remote mountaintop, with no one else for miles, watching a billion stars appear in a perfectly dark sky. This experience cannot be bought. True luxury is not a price tag. It can be found in things like having the time to read a book, the freedom to take a walk in the middle of the day, or the health to enjoy a simple meal.
99% of people make this one mistake: thinking that a luxury accessory will change who they are as a person.
The Costume That Doesn’t Give You Superpowers
A child can put on a superhero costume. For a moment, they might feel powerful and brave. But the costume does not actually give them the ability to fly or have super strength. They are still the exact same kid underneath. A luxury handbag or a fancy watch is a costume for adults. It might make you feel a certain way for a little while, but it does not magically change your personality, your character, or your intelligence. You are still you, with or without the accessory.
This one small action of taking a “luxury detox” for a month will help you reassess your relationship with consumerism.
Cleaning Your Palate Between Courses
When you are doing a wine tasting or eating a fancy multi-course meal, you are often given a simple piece of bread or a sip of water between courses. This is to “cleanse your palate.” It resets your taste buds so you can fully appreciate the next flavor without being influenced by the last one. A “luxury detox”—a month of not buying any new items and not scrolling on shopping sites—is a way to cleanse your mental palate. It resets your brain’s desire for the “next new thing” and helps you appreciate the things you already own.
Use luxury as a reward for hard work and reaching your goals, not as a form of retail therapy.
The Finish Line Celebration vs. the Water Stop
In a marathon, the big, joyful celebration with champagne and confetti happens when you cross the finish line. It’s a reward for completing the entire, grueling race. Along the way, there are water stops. These are necessary to keep you going, but they are not the celebration itself. Using luxury as a reward for a major achievement is the finish line party. Using it as “retail therapy” when you’re feeling down is like confusing a simple water stop for the entire purpose of the race. It’s a temporary fix, not the ultimate prize.
Stop thinking that you “deserve” a luxury item. Do earn it through your own efforts and achievements.
A Trophy You Are Given vs. a Trophy You Win
Imagine you are given a beautiful, shiny trophy just for showing up. It’s nice, but it doesn’t feel very special. Now, imagine you are given that same trophy after competing in a difficult tournament and winning the final, hard-fought match. That trophy feels completely different. It is infused with the memory of your hard work and your victory. It has meaning. When you tell yourself you simply “deserve” luxury, you are handing yourself the first trophy. When you tie it to a real, tangible achievement, you are earning the second.
Stop letting luxury brands dictate what is beautiful or desirable. Do define your own standards of style and elegance.
The Restaurant Menu vs. Your Own Taste
A restaurant menu is a list of suggestions. It tells you what the chef thinks is good. But it does not dictate what you must enjoy. You are free to choose the dish that appeals to your own personal taste, or even to ask for a modification. The seasonal collections and advertisements from luxury brands are just a menu. They are telling you what they have decided is fashionable. You are not required to like it. True style comes from looking at the menu and then confidently choosing what you, and only you, genuinely love.
The #1 secret for a healthy perspective on luxury is to see it as a beautiful and enjoyable part of life, but not the most important part.
The Frame Around the Family Photo
Imagine you have a cherished photograph of your family. It is the most important thing to you. You might put it in a beautiful, high-quality frame to protect it and enhance its beauty. The frame serves the photo. A healthy perspective understands that luxury is the frame. It is a wonderful, beautiful addition that can enhance your life. But your family, your health, your friendships, and your experiences—that is the photograph. Never, ever confuse the frame for the picture.
I’m just going to say it: The pressure to own luxury goods is a form of social conditioning.
The Uniform of the Cool Kids’ Club
In high school, there might have been a “cool kids’ club” where everyone wore a specific brand of jeans or a certain type of jacket. Wearing that “uniform” was the unwritten rule for being accepted. This is a form of social conditioning. The luxury world often operates in the same way. Marketing and social media create a powerful illusion that owning certain items is the required uniform for being seen as successful, stylish, or important. Recognizing this “uniform” for what it is—a manufactured pressure—is the first step to being free from it.
The reason you’re constantly wanting more is because you’re caught in the cycle of hedonic adaptation.
The New Car Smell
When you get a brand-new car, the “new car smell” is intoxicating. For the first few days, you notice it every time you get in. It makes you happy. But after a few weeks, your brain simply gets used to it. You don’t notice it anymore. It has become your new normal. This is “hedonic adaptation.” The thrill of a new luxury purchase is the new car smell. It feels amazing at first, but your brain quickly adapts. The purchase becomes your new normal, and you begin to crave the “next” new thing to get that feeling back.
If you’re still letting your luxury possessions own you, you’re not truly free.
The Guard and the Prized Watchdog
Imagine you have a very valuable and beautiful watchdog. If you are the master, the dog serves you, protects you, and brings you joy. But if you become so terrified of the dog getting lost or stolen that you can never leave your house, then you are no longer the master. You have become the dog’s prisoner. Your possessions are the watchdog. If your fear of them getting scratched, stolen, or damaged prevents you from enjoying your life, then you don’t own them. They own you.
The biggest lie you’ve been told is that luxury is about perfection. It’s about the beauty of the human hand and the stories behind the objects.
The Hand-Thrown Pottery Mug
You can buy a perfectly symmetrical, mass-produced ceramic mug from a factory. It has no flaws. Or, you can buy a mug that was thrown by hand on a potter’s wheel. It might have a slight wobble, a small fingerprint in the glaze. But these “imperfections” are the evidence of the human hands that made it. They are the source of its soul and its beauty. True luxury is like that hand-thrown mug. It’s not about machine-like perfection; it’s about appreciating the incredible skill and artistry of a human being.
I wish I knew that the most luxurious thing in the world is time.
The Ultimate Limited Edition
Luxury brands love to talk about “limited editions.” They might only make a thousand of a certain handbag, making it rare and desirable. But the universe has created the ultimate limited edition: your time. You are only given a finite number of minutes and hours in your life. Once a minute is spent, it is gone forever. You can always make more money to buy another watch, but you can never, ever buy more time. Understanding this makes you realize that how you spend your time is the most significant luxury decision you will ever make.
99% of people make this one mistake: buying luxury to project an image of a life they don’t actually have.
The Vacation Photo You’re Not In
Imagine someone who so desperately wants to look like a world traveler that they photoshop their own picture out of their social media posts and just post beautiful, generic photos of exotic locations. They are creating an illusion of a life they are not living. Buying luxury you can’t afford is the financial version of this. You are projecting an image of wealth and success, but you have removed your own financial well-being from the picture. You are trying to fool others at the expense of your own reality.
This one small habit of investing in experiences over things will bring you more lasting happiness.
The Souvenir vs. The Trip
You can go on an amazing trip and buy a t-shirt as a souvenir. A year later, the t-shirt might be faded and in the back of your closet. But the memory of the trip—the beautiful sunset you saw, the delicious meal you ate, the person you met—will still be with you, and its value will have grown over time. A luxury object is the t-shirt. A luxury experience (a special trip, a class, a concert) is the memory. Science has proven that our brains get more lasting, deep happiness from our memories than from our possessions.
Use luxury as a way to connect with a community of like-minded individuals who appreciate the same things you do.
The Classic Car Club
A person who owns a beautiful classic car doesn’t just keep it in their garage. They join a car club. They go to meetups on the weekend where they can talk to other owners who appreciate the same subtle design details and the same history. They share a common passion. Your passion for a certain watch brand or a specific designer can be the same. It can be a key that unlocks a community of people from all over the world who share your appreciation for a specific kind of art and craftsmanship.
Stop thinking of luxury as a destination. Do see it as a journey of discovery and appreciation.
The Mountain Peak vs. The Hike
Some hikers are only focused on one thing: getting to the top of the mountain. They rush up the trail and don’t pay attention to the beautiful trees, the interesting animals, or the stunning views along the way. They miss the whole point. Others understand that the joy is in the hike itself. Thinking of luxury as a destination (“I’ll be happy when I own X”) is like being that first hiker. The real joy comes from the journey: learning about different brands, discovering your own taste, and appreciating the artistry along the way.
Stop being a brand snob. Do appreciate quality and craftsmanship wherever you find it.
The Food Critic Who Only Eats at Famous Restaurants
Imagine a food critic who believes that the only good food in the world is served at the most famous, expensive, three-Michelin-star restaurants. They would be missing out on the world’s most delicious tacos from a humble street cart, the most amazing pasta from a tiny family-owned trattoria, and the best barbecue from a roadside shack. A brand snob is that food critic. They are so focused on a handful of famous names that they are blind to the incredible quality and artistry that can be found in lesser-known, independent, or vintage pieces.
The #1 hack for a more conscious approach to luxury is to ask yourself “why” you want a particular item before you buy it.
The Compass Before the Journey
Before you set off on a journey into a dense forest, you would first consult your compass to make sure you are heading in the right direction. Just starting to walk without knowing your “why” is how you get lost. Before you make a luxury purchase, you must consult your internal compass. Ask yourself: “Why do I really want this? Am I buying it to celebrate something? To impress someone? Because I’m feeling sad?” Understanding your true motivation is the compass that will keep you from getting lost in the woods of mindless consumerism.
I’m just going to say it: The most luxurious feeling is not owning a lot of things, but needing very few.
The Backpacker vs. The Tourist with Six Suitcases
Imagine two travelers. The first is dragging six enormous, heavy suitcases through the airport. They are stressed, exhausted, and weighed down by their possessions. The second is a backpacker with one small, light bag containing only the essentials. They are nimble, free, and able to go anywhere at a moment’s notice. Who is truly richer in that moment? The pursuit of more and more luxury is like adding another suitcase to your life. The realization that you only need a few, well-chosen things to be happy is like discovering the freedom of the single backpack.
The reason you’re not enjoying your luxury accessories is because you’re too worried about what other people think of them.
The Singer Who Only Listens to the Critics
Imagine a talented singer who, instead of getting lost in the joy of the music, spends their entire performance obsessively scanning the audience, trying to read the expressions on every single person’s face. Are they impressed? Do they like me? They are so consumed by the fear of judgment that they can’t even enjoy their own song. When you wear a luxury item and are constantly worried about whether other people notice it or approve of it, you are that singer. You are robbing yourself of the personal joy of the music.
If you’re still judging people based on the luxury brands they wear, you’re missing the bigger picture.
Judging a Book by Its Dust Jacket
The dust jacket on a hardcover book can be beautiful and impressive, or it can be plain and simple. But it tells you absolutely nothing about the story, the wisdom, or the poetry that is contained within the pages. To judge a book by its cover is to be willfully ignorant of its true contents. To judge a person by the brand name on their bag or their shoes is the exact same shallow mistake. It is choosing to read the marketing sticker on the outside instead of taking the time to read the actual story of the person inside.
The biggest lie you’ve been told is that luxury is about being “better” than others.
The Two Gardeners
Imagine two neighbors who are passionate gardeners. One believes that the goal of gardening is to have a bigger, more perfect rose bush than their neighbor. Their life is a constant, stressful competition. The other gardener simply loves the act of gardening—the feeling of the soil, the miracle of a blooming flower. They are happy to share tips with their neighbor. Luxury should be like that second gardener. It is not a tool to establish superiority. It is a personal passion to be enjoyed for its own sake.
I wish I knew that true confidence comes from within, not from a designer handbag.
The Lion’s Roar
A lion does not need a golden collar or a diamond-studded leash to be the king of the jungle. Its power and its confidence come from its own inner strength, its physical presence, and the power of its roar. It is inherent. A designer handbag is the golden collar. It might be a beautiful adornment, but it is not the source of power. True, unshakeable confidence is the lion’s roar. It is a force that comes from your skills, your kindness, your resilience, and your belief in yourself.
99% of people make this one mistake: thinking that luxury is a substitute for personality.
The Spice That Isn’t a Meal
A rare, exotic spice can add a wonderful, interesting flavor to a dish. But it is not the dish itself. You cannot make a satisfying meal out of a spoonful of saffron. You need the actual substance—the vegetables, the protein, the grains. A luxury item is a spice. It can be a wonderful, interesting accent to a person. But it is not a substitute for a personality. A person who is not kind, curious, or interesting will not magically become so by adding a “spice” of luxury.
This one small action of defining your own definition of luxury will set you free from the expectations of others.
Writing Your Own Job Description
Imagine if, instead of being handed a rigid job description written by someone else, you were given the freedom to write your own. You could create a role that perfectly fits your unique skills and passions. For too long, we have allowed marketers and magazines to write the “job description” for luxury. By consciously taking a piece of paper and writing down “To me, luxury is…”, you are taking back control. Is it time? Is it travel? Is it one perfect cashmere sweater? Defining it for yourself makes their definition irrelevant.
Use luxury as a way to celebrate your own personal style and creativity.
The Artist’s Signature Color
The famous artist Monet had a deep love for the color blue. He used it in unique and brilliant ways throughout his paintings. It was a part of his signature, an expression of his personal artistic vision. Your choices in luxury can be the same. Perhaps you have a love for a particular designer’s unique use of color, or a specific brand’s commitment to a certain aesthetic. Using these pieces is not about following a trend; it’s about finding the “colors” that help you paint the masterpiece of your own personal style.
Stop thinking of luxury as a competition. Do see it as a form of personal expression.
The Marathon vs. The Dance
A marathon is a competition. There is a finish line, a clock, and a clear winner. The goal is to be faster than the others. A dance, on the other hand, is a form of personal expression. There is no winner, no finish line. The goal is simply to move your body in a way that feels joyful and authentic to you. Thinking of luxury as a competition—who has more, who has the best—is like running a miserable marathon every day. Treating it as a form of self-expression is like getting to dance.
Stop letting the fear of missing out (FOMO) drive your luxury purchases.
The All-You-Can-Eat Buffet
At an all-you-can-eat buffet, the fear of missing out can make you pile your plate with a mountain of food you don’t even really want. You’re so afraid of not trying everything that you end up feeling sick and regretful. The constant stream of “new arrivals” and “limited editions” in the luxury world is an emotional buffet. FOMO can make you buy things you don’t love, just for the fear of them being gone. A mindful approach is to ignore the buffet and calmly order the one dish you know you will truly savor.
The #1 secret for a more mindful approach to luxury is to savor the experience of using your beautiful things.
The Fine Wine You Gulp vs. The Fine Wine You Sip
You can take an expensive, beautiful bottle of wine, pour it into a plastic cup, and gulp it down in thirty seconds. You will have consumed the wine, but you will have completely missed the point. A mindful approach is to pour it into a proper glass, to swirl it, to appreciate its color, to inhale its complex aroma, and to savor each small sip. Do not gulp your luxury. Savor it. Take the time to feel the texture of the leather, to appreciate the weight of the hardware, and to enjoy the act of using it.
I’m just going to say it: The best things in life are not things.
The Photo Album of Your Life
Imagine at the end of your life, you create a photo album of your most cherished moments. What would be in it? Would it be photos of your handbags sitting on a shelf? Or would it be photos of you laughing with your friends, hugging your family, seeing a beautiful sunset, or learning a new skill? The answer is obvious. “Things” are the props in the pictures of our lives, but they are not the pictures themselves. The real treasures are the moments of connection, joy, growth, and love.
The reason your luxury items feel meaningless is because they are not connected to any significant memories or experiences.
The Unstamped Passport
A brand-new passport is a beautiful and impressive document. But ultimately, it is a meaningless empty book. It only becomes a priceless treasure after it has been stamped in different countries and filled with the memories of your travels. A luxury item bought on a whim is like an empty passport. It has no story. But a watch bought on your wedding day or a piece of jewelry inherited from a loved one becomes stamped with meaning. It is no longer just an object; it is a vessel for your life’s most important moments.
If you’re still not teaching your children about the value of money and the dangers of materialism, you’re not preparing them for a healthy relationship with luxury.
Teaching a Child to Swim
You wouldn’t just throw your child into the deep end of a swimming pool without first teaching them how to swim. You would be setting them up for a dangerous, frightening experience. In the same way, raising a child in a world of abundance without teaching them about budgeting, saving, and the difference between wants and needs is like throwing them into the deep end of a consumerist culture. You are not preparing them with the skills they need to stay afloat in a world that will constantly try to pull them under.
The biggest lie you’ve been told is that you need to be a part of the “luxury lifestyle” to be happy and successful.
The Exclusive Country Club
Imagine there is a very exclusive country club in your town. The members all seem very glamorous. Marketing would have you believe that the only way to be a happy and successful person in your town is to gain membership to this club. But then you look around and you see thousands of incredibly happy, successful, and fulfilled people who are not members, who are instead spending their time and money on their families, their hobbies, and their communities. The “luxury lifestyle” is that country club. It is one option, but it is not the only, or the best, path to a good life.
I wish I knew that the most luxurious thing you can do for yourself is to invest in your own personal growth and well-being.
Sharpening the Axe
Imagine a woodcutter who is so busy trying to chop down trees that they say they “don’t have time” to stop and sharpen their axe. As a result, their work becomes harder, less efficient, and more frustrating. They are working hard, but not smart. Investing in yourself—through education, therapy, exercise, or learning a new skill—is the act of sharpening your own axe. It is the single most effective way to make every other part of your life better. A sharp axe is a far greater asset than a fancy but dull one.
99% of people make this one mistake: using luxury as a way to escape from their problems.
The Painkiller for a Broken Arm
If you have a broken arm, a painkiller can be a wonderful thing. It can temporarily mask the pain and make you feel better. But it does absolutely nothing to fix the underlying broken bone. If you only take painkillers and never go to the doctor to have the bone set, your arm will never heal properly. Using “retail therapy” or a luxury purchase to numb the pain of a real-life problem—stress, a bad relationship, a dead-end job—is like taking a painkiller. It’s a temporary distraction that prevents you from addressing the actual break.
This one small habit of focusing on the “being” rather than the “having” will change your perspective on what’s truly important.
The Tourist vs. The Traveler
The tourist is focused on “having.” They rush around trying to “have” a photo of every famous landmark. Their goal is a checklist of possessions. The traveler is focused on “being.” They sit in a local cafe for hours, just “being” in the moment, observing the culture, and soaking in the atmosphere. Their goal is the experience itself. Shifting your focus in life from a checklist of things you want to “have” to the quality of how you want to “be” (be-ing kind, be-ing present, be-ing healthy) is the ultimate journey from tourist to traveler.
Use luxury as a way to appreciate the art and history of design.
The Art History Student in a Museum
An art history student doesn’t just walk into a museum and say, “That’s a pretty picture.” They understand the context. They know the story of the artist, the techniques they used, and how that painting influenced the course of art. They see a hundred stories where others see only one. You can approach luxury in the same way. Learning about why a certain chair was designed that way, or the history of a particular watch movement, transforms you from a simple consumer into an appreciative student of design. The object becomes a history book, not just a product.
Stop thinking of luxury as a way to impress a potential partner. Do be with someone who values you for who you are, not what you own.
The Fishing Lure
A fisherman uses a shiny, attractive lure to catch a fish. The fish is not attracted to the fisherman; it is attracted to the deceptive, glittering object. Using luxury to attract a partner is like being that lure. You might attract someone, but they will be attracted to the shiny object, not to the real you. A healthy relationship is one where you don’t need a lure. The other person is drawn to your kindness, your humor, and your character—the things that remain long after the shine has worn off.
Stop letting luxury marketing make you feel inadequate. Do recognize that it’s designed to create a sense of desire and longing.
The Smell of a Bakery
When you walk past a bakery, they often have fans that intentionally pump the smell of freshly baked bread onto the street. The smell is designed to do one thing: to make you feel a sudden, powerful sense of hunger and desire, even if you weren’t hungry a moment before. Luxury marketing is that bakery fan. Its entire purpose is to create a feeling of lack, to make you feel that your life is not complete without their product. Recognizing that this feeling is being manufactured is like realizing you’re not actually hungry; you’re just smelling the bread.
The #1 secret for a more authentic relationship with luxury is to be honest with yourself about your motivations for buying it.
The Food Diary
If you want to have a healthier relationship with food, a dietician will often ask you to keep a food diary and to write down not just what you ate, but how you were feeling at the time. “I ate a bag of chips because I was bored. I had a piece of cake because I was sad.” This act of honest self-reflection is the key to understanding your own patterns. Before buying a luxury item, act as your own dietician. Be brutally honest about your “why.” This simple act of awareness is the foundation of a healthy, conscious relationship with luxury.
I’m just going to say it: The pursuit of “stealth wealth” is just another form of status anxiety.
The Secret Handshake
The pursuit of obvious, logo-heavy luxury is like shouting to the world, “Look at me! I’m in the club!” The pursuit of “stealth wealth”—wearing incredibly expensive but unbranded items that only other rich people will recognize—is like using a secret handshake. The goal is the same: to signal your status and your membership in an exclusive club. It may be a quieter signal, but it is often still driven by the same underlying anxiety about your place in the social hierarchy.
The reason you’re not feeling the “luxury” of your items is because you’re not taking the time to truly appreciate them.
The Symphony You Hear from the Lobby
Imagine a world-class orchestra is playing a beautiful symphony inside a concert hall. You could stand out in the lobby and listen to the faint, muffled sounds coming through the closed doors. You could technically say you “heard” the symphony, but you would have missed all the nuance, the detail, and the emotional power of the music. When you own a luxury item but you don’t take the time to truly appreciate the details—the perfect stitching, the ingenious clasp—you are listening to the symphony from the lobby. To feel the luxury, you have to go inside.
If you’re still not setting boundaries with your spending, you’re letting your desire for luxury control your finances.
A River Without Banks
A river is a powerful and beautiful force. When it has strong, clear banks, it flows in a healthy, productive direction. But a river without banks is just a destructive, chaotic flood. It spreads everywhere, causing damage and chaos. A budget and financial boundaries are the banks for your river of desire. Without them, your natural want for beautiful things becomes a flood that can overwhelm your financial well-being. The boundaries are not there to stop the river, but to give it a healthy, powerful direction.
The biggest lie you’ve been told is that luxury is about being “exclusive.” It’s about being discerning.
The Bouncer at the Club vs. The Museum Curator
A bouncer at an exclusive nightclub is focused on “exclusion.” Their job is to keep people out based on arbitrary rules. A curator at a museum, on the other hand, is focused on being “discerning.” Their job is not to keep art out, but to carefully select only the most beautiful, important, and well-crafted pieces for inclusion. Don’t approach luxury with the mindset of a bouncer, focused on who you are keeping out. Approach it like a curator, thoughtfully selecting only the best for your own personal collection.
I wish I knew that the most luxurious experiences are often the simplest ones.
The Diamond vs. a Glass of Water
A diamond is a symbol of luxury. It is rare, expensive, and beautiful. But imagine you have been lost in the desert for two days. You are desperately thirsty. Suddenly, someone offers you a choice: a giant, perfect diamond, or a simple glass of cold, clean water. Which is more luxurious? In that moment, the water is the most priceless and luxurious treasure in the universe. This reminds us that the true value of a thing is not its price, but its ability to meet our deepest needs.
99% of people make this one mistake: buying luxury to celebrate an occasion, and then feeling let down when the feeling doesn’t last.
The Birthday Cake
On your birthday, you get a beautiful, delicious cake. The moment of blowing out the candles and taking the first bite is pure joy. But you cannot make that single moment last forever. The cake gets eaten, and the birthday ends. But the memory of the happy celebration remains. Many people expect the joy of a luxury purchase to feel like that first bite of cake, forever. But the object, like the cake, will become a normal part of your life. The key is to see it as a beautiful symbol of the celebration, not the celebration itself.
This one small action of finding joy in the small, everyday luxuries will make your life feel richer and more abundant.
The Fancy Restaurant vs. the Perfect Cup of Coffee
Going to a fancy, expensive restaurant is a wonderful luxury. But you might only do it once or twice a year. If you only allow yourself to feel a sense of luxury on those rare occasions, your life will feel mostly ordinary. But what if you learned to see the luxury in a perfectly made cup of your favorite coffee, brewed exactly how you like it, and sipped in a quiet moment before the day begins? Finding and appreciating these small, accessible, everyday luxuries is the secret to having a life that feels abundant every single day.
Use luxury as a source of inspiration and creativity in your own life.
The Seed Catalog for a Gardener
A gardener will spend the cold winter months looking through beautiful seed catalogs. They are not just looking at pictures of flowers; they are gathering inspiration, dreaming up new color combinations, and planning the beautiful garden they will create in the spring. You can look at luxury in the same way. It is a seed catalog of human creativity. Let the innovative design of a handbag inspire a new way of decorating your home. Let the beautiful color palette of a designer’s collection inspire a new painting.
Stop thinking of luxury as a way to conform to a certain image. Do use it to break the mold and express your unique point of view.
The Uniform vs. The Costume
A uniform is something you wear to conform, to blend in, and to show that you are part of a group. Its purpose is to erase individuality. A costume, on the other hand, is something you wear to stand out, to express a character, and to be unique. Its purpose is to celebrate individuality. Don’t use luxury as your uniform to fit into a preconceived notion of “success.” Use it as your personal costume box, pulling out the unique and interesting pieces that help you express the amazing character that is you.
Stop letting the “unboxing” experience be the best part of your luxury purchase. Do find joy in the long-term ownership and use of your items.
The Wedding Day vs. The Marriage
A wedding can be a beautiful, exciting, and perfect day. But if the best day of your entire relationship is the wedding day itself, then you are in for a very disappointing marriage. The real joy is in the decades that follow—the quiet moments, the shared laughter, the challenges you overcome together. The “unboxing” is the wedding day. It’s a thrilling but fleeting moment. The true value of a well-made luxury item is in the “marriage”—the years of use, the patina it develops, and the stories it gathers along the way.
The #1 hack for a more sustainable relationship with luxury is to buy less, but buy better.
The Ten Cheap Umbrellas vs. the One Great One
You can buy a cheap, five-dollar umbrella every time it rains. It will break in the first gust of wind, and you will throw it away. Over a few years, you will have bought ten flimsy, disposable umbrellas. Or, you can invest fifty dollars in one single, extremely well-made, sturdy umbrella that will last you for the next twenty years. Buying less, but buying better, is not only more economical in the long run; it is a more respectful and sustainable way to live. It is the philosophy of the one great umbrella.
I’m just going to say it: The most luxurious thing you can wear is a smile.
The Light in the Room
You can fill a room with the most expensive furniture, the rarest art, and the most beautiful objects. But if the room is completely dark, none of it matters. You can’t even see it. A genuine smile is the light in the room. It is the source of warmth, beauty, and connection that illuminates everything and everyone around you. It costs nothing, and yet it is more powerful and more attractive than any material possession you could ever own. Before you worry about what you are wearing, first remember to turn on the light.
The reason your luxury items are not making you feel powerful is because you’re not owning your own power from within.
The Armor with No Knight Inside
Imagine a magnificent suit of armor. It is strong, polished, and looks incredibly powerful. But if there is no strong, brave knight living inside it, it is just an empty, hollow shell. It will collapse at the first push. Luxury goods can be like that suit of armor. They can create an external appearance of power. But if you do not cultivate your own internal strength—your confidence, your resilience, your skills—then you are just an empty suit of armor, hollow on the inside. True power is the knight, not the shine of his shield.
If you’re still not practicing delayed gratification, you’re missing out on the satisfaction of working towards a goal.
The Home-Cooked Meal vs. the Fast Food
When you are hungry, you can go through a fast-food drive-thru and have a meal in your hands in two minutes. It satisfies the immediate craving, but it’s not very memorable. Or, you can spend an hour carefully preparing a delicious, home-cooked meal. The process of chopping the vegetables, smelling the aromas, and watching it all come together builds a sense of anticipation. The final meal is not just food; it is a satisfying achievement. Practicing delayed gratification is choosing to cook your own meal. The reward is always richer.
The biggest lie you’ve been told is that you need to have a “luxury mindset” to be successful.
The Engine of the Car
Some people believe you need to have fancy leather seats and a premium sound system (a “luxury mindset”) in your car in order for it to get you to your destination. But what actually makes a car go? The engine. Your work ethic, your skills, your creativity, and your perseverance are the engine of your success. That is what will actually move you forward. The “luxury mindset” is just the upholstery. It’s nice to have, but it has absolutely no effect on whether or not the car will actually run.
I wish I knew that the best way to enjoy luxury is to not take it too seriously.
The Sandcastle on the Beach
A child can spend hours meticulously building a beautiful, elaborate sandcastle. They take great pride in it. But they also know that, eventually, the tide will come in and wash it away. And that’s okay. They enjoy the process of creating it without being crushed by its impermanence. You should have the same attitude towards your luxury goods. Enjoy them, take care of them, but don’t hold on so tightly. They are beautiful sandcastles. A scratch is just the tide starting to come in. It’s all part of the game.