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Let’s cut the influencer noise: buying makeup online is a minefield of color-correcting filters and paid sponsorships. We filtered for actual chemical stability and wear-time, ignoring the viral packaging bait. Here is the raw data on what actually stays on your face and what ends up in the landfill.
1. Lanolips 101 Ointment (Peach)
Best for: People with chronic chapped lips who have failed with ChapStick.
💎 Steal Score: 9/10
📉 Regret Index: 1/10
The Verdict: Basically medical-grade sheep grease that smells like summer.
Field Notes
This isn’t a “gloss” in the traditional sense; it is thick, viscous lanolin. You have to squeeze the tube hard, and the product comes out looking like a dense salve. It drags slightly across the lips before warming up to body temperature, leaving a heavy, protective seal. The peach scent is surprisingly authentic—it smells like fuzzy fruit skin, not synthetic candy.
✅ The Win: One application lasts through two coffees and a bagel.
✅ Standout Spec: 101 uses (lips, cuticles, cracked heels, nipples).
❌ The Trade-off: In winter, the tube gets rock hard. You have to warm it in your bra or pocket before it will dispense.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Vegans. Lanolin comes from sheep’s wool.
2. Lanolips 101 Ointment (Strawberry)
Best for: The nostalgia seeker who misses the 2000s.
💎 Steal Score: 9/10
📉 Regret Index: 2/10
The Verdict: The sweeter, younger sister of the Peach variant.
The Audit
While the Peach version feels sophisticated, this screams “middle school luxe.” The texture is identical—sticky, grip-heavy hydration—but the scent is pure red candy syrup. It contains natural fruit extract, but the sensory hit is definitely on the sugary side. Unlike the Peach which fades into the background, you will smell this on your face for an hour.
✅ The Win: Slightly acidic fruit enzymes gently exfoliate while hydrating.
✅ Standout Spec: Holds 200% of its weight in moisture.
❌ Critical Failure Point: The cap is tiny and smooth; if your hands are greasy from the product, you cannot screw it back on.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: If you lick your lips constantly. It tastes sweet, and you’ll eat your $17 balm in a week.
3. Lanolips 101 Ointment (Coconutter)
Best for: Anyone who wishes they were on a beach right now.
💎 Steal Score: 8/10
📉 Regret Index: 2/10
The Verdict: The richest feeling option in the lineup.
Stress Test Analysis
Comparing this to the fruit flavors, the Coconut version feels slightly oilier and melts faster. The scent is warm, milky, and sunscreen-adjacent. Because coconut oil has a lower melting point, this one can separate in the tube if left in a hot car, squirting out clear oil before the balm comes out.
✅ The Win: The most “unisex” scent of the group.
✅ Standout Spec: Added Vitamin E for scar healing.
❌ The Flaw: It is slightly greasier than the sticky fruit versions, meaning it migrates outside your lip line easier.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: If you are prone to blackheads around your mouth. Coconut oil is highly comedogenic.
4. Lanolips 101 Ointment (Watermelon)
Best for: The sweet tooth.
💎 Steal Score: 8/10
📉 Regret Index: 3/10
The Verdict: A sugar bomb that works.
Our Take
This is the sweetest of the Lanolips squad. The smell is aggressive—think Jolly Rancher or watermelon bubblegum. The texture remains that signature thick paste, but the fragrance can be polarizing. If you are sensitive to scents, this one might trigger a headache compared to the subtler Peach.
✅ The Win: Masks bad breath surprisingly well.
✅ Standout Spec: Lanolin mimics human skin lipids (closest match in nature).
❌ The “Reddit Skeptic” Con: The sweetness can attract bugs if you are hiking or outdoors. Serious.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Anyone expecting a “natural” herbal scent. This is candy land.
5. Lanolips 101 Ointment (Peppermint)
Best for: Morning commuters and cold sore sufferers.
💎 Steal Score: 9/10
📉 Regret Index: 1/10
The Verdict: The functional heavy hitter.
Field Notes
Finally, a break from the fruit salad. This version tingles. You feel a distinct cooling sensation about 30 seconds after application. It’s less sticky than the fruit versions and seems to absorb a bit faster. The smell is sharp, medicinal mint—great for clearing sinuses, bad for drinking orange juice immediately after.
✅ The Win: The mint oil increases blood flow, giving a very temporary, natural plump.
✅ Standout Spec: Antibacterial properties of peppermint oil.
❌ The Trade-off: If your lips are already cracked or bleeding, this will burn like fire.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: People with sensitive skin. The menthol can cause redness around the mouth.
6. IT Cosmetics Bye Bye Under Eye Concealer
Best for: People trying to cover tattoos or 3 days of insomnia.
💎 Steal Score: 7/10
📉 Regret Index: 5/10
The Verdict: Industrial-grade spackle that requires a learning curve.
The Audit
Moving from lips to face, this is a shock to the system. This stuff is essentially colored tar. It is incredibly thick and tacky. You have to squeeze a tiny bead out and warm it between your fingers, or it will drag your delicate under-eye skin. It smells faintly of clay and wax.
✅ The Win: It is waterproof. You can cry, sweat, or swim, and it stays put.
✅ Standout Spec: Pigment load is insane—you need a pinhead amount for both eyes.
❌ Critical Failure Point: Creasing. If you do not set this with powder immediately, it settles into fine lines you didn’t know you had.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Minimalists. If you wear this without full foundation, it looks obvious and heavy.
7. Alfie Hyaluronic Acid Lip Booster
Best for: People who want lip injections but are scared of needles.
💎 Steal Score: 4/10
📉 Regret Index: 7/10
The Verdict: Pain is beauty, apparently.
Stress Test Analysis
Unlike the soothing Lanolips, this product chooses violence. It is a thin, watery serum that smells like artificial pear. Upon application, wait 60 seconds—then the burn starts. It’s a spicy, stinging heat that turns your lips red. It feels gritty if you rub your lips together too much.
✅ The Win: Legitimate, visible swelling (plumping) for about 2 hours.
✅ Standout Spec: Hyaluronic spheres fill lip lines temporarily.
❌ The Flaw: The “Pear” flavor fights with the chemical taste of the plumping agents. It tastes bitter.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Anyone with cold sores. This will aggravate them instantly.
8. DUO Eyelash Glue Dark Tone
Best for: Smokey eye lovers and seasoned lash wearers.
💎 Steal Score: 10/10
📉 Regret Index: 2/10
The Verdict: The smelly reliable backbone of the lash industry.
Field Notes
This is the utility player. It smells distinctly fishy—that classic latex funk. It comes out grey and dries charcoal black. Unlike clear glues that can leave shiny white residue, this blends into your eyeliner. It’s rubbery and elastic when dry, allowing you to peel it off the lash band easily.
✅ The Win: Hides mistakes if you are wearing black eyeliner.
✅ Standout Spec: Formaldehyde-free (in the US version mostly).
❌ The “Reddit Skeptic” Con: If you get this on your eyelid skin by accident, it looks like a smudge that won’t wipe off.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Latex allergy sufferers. This will swell your eyes shut.
9. Ardell Demi Wispies Eyelashes
Best for: The “I want lashes but I have a day job” crowd.
💎 Steal Score: 9/10
📉 Regret Index: 1/10
The Verdict: The Toyota Corolla of eyelashes—reliable, standard, everywhere.
Our Take
Paired with the DUO glue above, this is the standard setup. The band is clear, plastic, and slightly stiff at first. You need to flex it (“crack the spine”) before applying. They feel like a butterfly landing on your lid—barely there, unlike the heavy magnetic options on the market.
✅ The Win: The “flared” shape lifts the eye without looking like a drag queen.
✅ Standout Spec: Invisiband technology makes them undetectable if applied correctly.
❌ The Trade-off: They are fragile. You get 3-4 wears maximum before they lose their shape.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Large eyes. These are “Demi” (half/small) and might look too short on wide eyes.
10. BIC BodyMark Freckle Pen
Best for: Festivals and trying out the “sun-kissed” filter IRL.
💎 Steal Score: 6/10
📉 Regret Index: 4/10
The Verdict: Literally a marker for your face.
Stress Test Analysis
Let’s be honest: this is a re-branded felt tip marker. It smells like ink. The tip is brush-like and soft, but if you press too hard, you get a giant polka dot instead of a freckle. It dries down matte and stains the skin slightly.
✅ The Win: Far cheaper than “luxury” freckle tints like Freck.
✅ Standout Spec: Cosmetic-grade ink (won’t irritate skin like a Sharpie).
❌ The Flaw: It leans very warm/red. If you have cool undertones, it looks like a rash, not freckles.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Oily skin types. The ink bleeds on oily noses, turning freckles into blobs.
11. Maybelline Super Stay Vinyl Ink (Coy)
Best for: Dates involving greasy food.
💎 Steal Score: 8/10
📉 Regret Index: 3/10
The Verdict: Sticky but indestructible.
Field Notes
You have to shake this tube for 10 seconds—you’ll hear the metal ball bearing rattling inside like a spray paint can. The formula goes on liquid and cool but never fully dries down to a powder; it stays permanently tacky. Your lips will stick together slightly when you talk.
✅ The Win: The shine stays. Usually, long-wear lipsticks are matte and dry; this stays glossy.
✅ Standout Spec: Color-lock formula resists transfer even while glossy.
❌ Critical Failure Point: If you rub your lips together before it sets (first 5 mins), it patches and crumbles.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Texture haters. If you can’t stand the feeling of “stuff” on your lips, this is a nightmare.
12. Grande Cosmetics Lamination Gel
Best for: Unruly brows that point downwards.
💎 Steal Score: 6/10
📉 Regret Index: 4/10
The Verdict: Glue stick for your forehead hair.
The Audit
This is a clear gel that dries to a crunchy, stiff finish. The brush is short and bristly, making a scratching sound as you comb it through. Unlike soft waxes, this locks hairs in place with a hard shell. It smells chemically clean, almost like alcohol.
✅ The Win: Gives the “laminated” look without the chemical perm damage.
✅ Standout Spec: Peptide-infused to theoretically help brow health.
❌ The Flaw: It flakes. If you touch your brows midday, white dandruff-like flakes will fall off.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: People with sparse brows. It clumps hairs together, making thin brows look even thinner.
13. e.l.f. Hydrating Face Primer
Best for: Dry skin needing a cheap canvas.
💎 Steal Score: 9/10
📉 Regret Index: 2/10
The Verdict: The silicone valley of budget primers.
Stress Test Analysis
This pumps out as a cloudy, silicone gel. It feels incredibly slippery and greasy at first touch—that classic dimethicone glide. It sits on top of the skin rather than sinking in, filling pores physically. It has a faint, generic “unscented lotion” smell.
✅ The Win: Makeup glides over it without catching on dry patches.
✅ Standout Spec: Grape and Vitamin A boost (nice, but in low quantities).
❌ The Trade-off: If you use a water-based foundation on top, it might pill (ball up). Silicone hates water.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Acne-prone users. The heavy silicone layer can trap bacteria and cause breakouts.
14. IT Cosmetics Brow Power Eyebrow Pencil
Best for: People who don’t know their shade match.
💎 Steal Score: 5/10 (Overpriced for a pencil)
📉 Regret Index: 4/10
The Verdict: “Universal” is a marketing stretch, but it’s decent.
Field Notes
This pencil is hard. You have to press firmly to get pigment, which prevents the “Sharpie brow” look but can be annoying. The spoolie on the end is stiff and scratchy—great for blending, bad for sensitive skin. The “Universal Taupe” changes based on pressure: press light for blonde, hard for dark.
✅ The Win: It is nearly impossible to over-apply because the wax is so hard.
✅ Standout Spec: Oval tip shape allows for both thick shading and thin lines.
❌ The “Reddit Skeptic” Con: The plastic cap on the spoolie end cracks within a month, every single time.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Redheads. The “universal” shade leans very ashy/grey.
15. LANEIGE Lip Glowy Balm
Best for: Lanolips haters who want a thinner texture.
💎 Steal Score: 7/10
📉 Regret Index: 3/10
The Verdict: A pocket-friendly version of the famous sleep mask.
Our Take
Direct comparison: This is much thinner and oilier than the Lanolips ointment. It feels like a high-end oil rather than a sticky grease. It squeezes out easily and has a glossy, wet finish. The scent is sweet but less aggressive than the Lanolips Watermelon.
✅ The Win: Very easy to apply on the go; no mirror needed.
✅ Standout Spec: Murumuru butter base is lighter than lanolin.
❌ The Flaw: It disappears fast. You will need to reapply this every 45 minutes.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: If you need heavy repair. This is a maintenance product, not a rescue product.
16. NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil (Milk)
Best for: Making eyeshadow colors pop.
💎 Steal Score: 10/10
📉 Regret Index: 4/10
The Verdict: An old-school trick that still works.
The Audit
This is a fat, chubby pencil. The texture is creamy and drags a bit, feeling like a greasepaint stick. It is stark, matte white. When you sharpen it, it’s a mess—the plastic casing shreds and the soft creamy core gets stuck in the sharpener blades.
✅ The Win: Put this under any cheap eyeshadow, and the color vibrancy doubles instantly.
✅ Standout Spec: Multi-use (liner, shadow base, highlight).
❌ Critical Failure Point: The cap cracks easily, causing the cream to dry out and become unusable.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Oily eyelids. This will crease in 10 minutes without a primer underneath.
17. L’Oreal Paris LUMI Shake and Glow Mist (3 oz)
Best for: Fixing “cake face” (too much powder).
💎 Steal Score: 8/10
📉 Regret Index: 2/10
The Verdict: A hydrating shower for your face.
Stress Test Analysis
You must shake this vigorously to mix the oil and water phases. The spray pump is… aggressive. It doesn’t “mist” so much as “squirt” you in the face if you aren’t careful. It smells refreshing but wet. It leaves visible droplets that need to be patted in.
✅ The Win: Melts powder instantly, making makeup look like skin.
✅ Standout Spec: Coconut water and Vitamin C infusion.
❌ The Trade-off: It is not a fixing spray. It adds glow; it does not make makeup last longer.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: People with large pores. The “glow” can emphasize texture.
18. L’Oreal Paris LUMI Shake and Glow Mist (1 oz)
Best for: TSA checkpoints.
💎 Steal Score: 6/10 (Price per ounce is worse)
📉 Regret Index: 1/10
The Verdict: Same juice, smaller squeeze.
Field Notes
Identical to the product above, but the smaller bottle actually has a slightly better pump mechanism that atomizes the liquid better. It fits in the palm of your hand.
✅ The Win: Perfect for mid-day desk refreshes.
✅ Standout Spec: Travel-friendly size.
❌ The Flaw: You pay a premium for the mini size.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Value hunters. Buy the big one and decant it.
19. KISS imPRESS Falsies (Spiky)
Best for: People who cannot use glue to save their lives.
💎 Steal Score: 8/10
📉 Regret Index: 3/10
The Verdict: The 5-minute lash extension.
The Audit
These are clusters, not a strip. They have a pre-glued band that feels tacky like a sticker. You place them under your natural lashes, not on top. There is no smell, no drying time. They feel weirdly secure, like Velcro for your eyes.
✅ The Win: No damage to natural lashes upon removal.
✅ Standout Spec: Pressure-sensitive adhesive.
❌ The “Reddit Skeptic” Con: They can stick to your bottom lashes when you blink if you place them too low.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: Eye rubbers. You will rub them right off.
20. Maybelline Green Edition Balmy Lip Blush
Best for: “No makeup” makeup days.
💎 Steal Score: 9/10
📉 Regret Index: 1/10
The Verdict: The underrated drugstore sleeper hit.
Field Notes
This bullet lipstick feels waxy but melts quickly into an oil. It smells faintly of cooking oil (natural ingredients) rather than perfume. The “Cocoa Nude” is a sheer wash of brown. It’s not long-wearing, but it feels incredibly comforting.
✅ The Win: 84% natural ingredients at a drugstore price.
✅ Standout Spec: Mango oil base.
❌ The Flaw: The bullet is soft and can break at the base if you twist it up too high.
⚠️ Who should SKIP this: If you want pigment. This is a tinted balm, not a lipstick.
The Verdict: How to Choose
- For the Dry Lip Sufferer: Get the Lanolips 101 Ointment (Peach is the safest bet).
- For the Beginner Lash User: Get the KISS imPRESS Falsies. Avoid the glue entirely.
- For the Long-Wear Fanatic: Get the Maybelline Vinyl Ink.
- For the Texture Hater: Get the LANEIGE Lip Glowy Balm.
3 Critical Flaws to Watch Out For
- The “Universal” Shade Lie: Products like IT Cosmetics Brow Power claim to fit everyone, but usually turn grey on warm skin tones and orange on cool tones. Always swatch.
- Silicone vs. Water Clash: Do not mix the e.l.f. Primer (Silicone) with water-based foundations. It will separate on your face within 2 hours.
- Plumping Dermatitis: Extreme plumpers like the Alfie Booster use irritants (capsicum/pepper). If you have eczema or sensitive skin, this can trigger a rash that lasts for days.
FAQ
Is Lanolin vegan?
No. It is a wax secreted by the sebaceous glands of wool-bearing animals (sheep). It is cruelty-free (shaved, not killed), but not vegan.
Can I use the Freckle Pen over powder?
No. The felt tip will clog instantly. Use it on bare skin or over liquid foundation before you powder.
Final Thoughts
Most of these products are solving problems created by other products. You don’t need a lip primer if your balm works. Start with the Lanolips for hydration and the Maybelline Vinyl Ink for color. Everything else is just decoration.
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