Use products that make you feel good, not products you think you’re “supposed” to use.
The Joyful Routine
I used to have a skincare routine that felt like a joyless science experiment. I used a popular, clinical-smelling serum that everyone on the internet raved about. It was what I was “supposed” to use. But the experience was sterile and I felt no connection to it. One day, I switched to a beautifully scented facial oil. It might not have been the trendiest product, but the simple act of massaging the fragrant oil into my skin turned my evening routine from a chore into a cherished, calming ritual. It reminded me that beauty should feel good.
Stop comparing your real face to filtered Instagram photos; embrace your authentic texture instead.
The Unfiltered Truth
I would scroll through my Instagram feed and see an endless parade of impossibly smooth, poreless skin. Then I would look in the mirror and see my own very real pores, fine lines, and texture. It made me feel flawed and inadequate. One day, I saw a photographer post a beautiful, unedited portrait of a woman, and I could see the texture of her skin. It was a revelation. Real skin has texture. It has pores. It’s not a filter. I started unfollowing the “perfect” accounts and embraced the authentic beauty of my own skin.
Stop buying a product just because a celebrity endorsed it; do your own research instead.
The Endorsement Effect
My favorite actress swore by a certain luxury face cream in an interview. She said it was her secret to flawless skin. I immediately ran out and spent a fortune on it, believing it would be my miracle too. But after a month of use, my skin was breaking out and felt no different. I realized that her skin type, lifestyle, and access to other treatments were completely different from mine. I stopped trusting celebrity endorsements and started researching ingredients that would actually work for my own unique skin, not for someone on a movie screen.
The #1 secret for a healthy beauty mindset that therapists don’t want you to know is that beauty is a hobby, not a measure of your worth.
The Hobby, Not The Hurdle
My self-worth used to be completely tied to how I looked. A bad hair day or a new pimple could ruin my entire day and make me feel worthless. I was constantly striving to meet a beauty standard that was making me miserable. The secret that changed my life was to reframe beauty as a hobby, not a hurdle. Like gardening or painting, it became something I could enjoy and be creative with, but it was not a reflection of my value as a human being. My worth is not my appearance; my appearance is just something I have fun with.
The biggest lie you’ve been told about the beauty industry is that it cares about your self-esteem.
The Profit in a Problem
I used to believe that the beauty industry wanted to help me feel beautiful. I bought into the empowering marketing language of the brands I loved. The biggest lie is that the industry is primarily concerned with your self-esteem. At its core, it’s a business. It profits by identifying a “flaw” you didn’t know you had—like hip dips or strawberry skin—and then selling you the “solution.” Recognizing that its goal is to create insecurities to drive sales was a powerful shift. It helped me to see their marketing for what it was.
I wish I knew this about the pressure of beauty standards when I was a young girl.
The Invisible Weight
As a young girl, I would flip through magazines and watch movies, absorbing a very narrow, specific idea of what it meant to be beautiful. I didn’t consciously realize it, but I was internalizing these standards and starting to compare myself to them. I wish I had known then that this was an invisible weight I was choosing to carry. I wish someone had told me that those images weren’t real and that my unique features—my frizzy hair, my gapped teeth—were not flaws to be fixed, but beautiful parts of who I was.
I’m just going to say it: “Anti-aging” is a toxic marketing term designed to make you fear a natural process.
The Anti-Anxiety
The term “anti-aging” used to be on all my favorite skincare products. I never questioned it. I thought my goal was to fight and prevent a natural process, as if it were a disease. I’m just going to say it: “anti-aging” is a toxic marketing term. It creates fear around a privilege that is denied to many. When I started reframing it as “pro-aging” or “healthy aging,” my entire mindset shifted. My goal became to nourish and support my skin through its natural journey, not to fight a losing battle against time.
99% of consumers make this one mistake during a big beauty sale.
The Sale Seduction
Whenever a big beauty sale would happen, I would get swept up in the frenzy. I would buy products I didn’t need, in shades that didn’t suit me, just because they were 20% off. The mistake I was making was buying things for the sake of the sale, not because I actually wanted or needed them. I was saving money on things I wouldn’t have bought otherwise, which meant I wasn’t saving money at all. I learned to go into a sale with a specific, pre-made list. It stopped the impulse buys and the subsequent buyer’s remorse.
This one small habit of unfollowing accounts that make you feel bad about yourself will change the way you view beauty forever.
The Digital Declutter
I used to follow so many influencers and models on social media who had perfect bodies and seemingly perfect lives. I thought it was aspirational, but I noticed that after scrolling, I would always feel a little bit worse about myself. My life and my body felt inadequate in comparison. The small habit that completely changed my mental health was to do a digital declutter. I unfollowed every single account that made me feel “less than.” My feed is now full of art, nature, and inspiring people of all shapes and sizes, and it’s a much happier place.
If you’re still chasing every single trend, you’re losing your personal style and a lot of money.
The Trend Trap
Glazed donut skin, strawberry makeup, latte nails—I was constantly chasing the next viral beauty trend. I would buy all the products to replicate the look, only for it to be replaced by a new trend a few weeks later. My makeup bag was a graveyard of half-used trendy products. If you are still chasing every trend, you are losing two important things: your money, and your own unique personal style. It’s so much more fulfilling to figure out what you genuinely like and to cultivate a signature look that is timelessly “you.”
Use your beauty budget wisely on high-impact products, not a dozen mediocre ones.
The Budget Beauty
When I was on a tight budget, I thought the best strategy was to buy a lot of cheap, mediocre products. I had a dozen different eyeshadow palettes that were all chalky and a handful of foundations that didn’t quite match. I learned that it’s much wiser to use your budget strategically. Instead of buying 10 mediocre things, invest in one or two high-impact products that you will use and love, like a fantastic foundation or a high-quality skincare serum. Quality over quantity is always the smarter choice, regardless of your budget.
Stop believing every “before and after” photo; lighting and angles are everything.
The Transformation Trick
I used to be so amazed by the dramatic “before and after” photos for skincare products and treatments. The “before” photo was always in harsh, overhead lighting, with a sad expression. The “after” photo was in soft, glowing light, with the person smiling and their head tilted at a flattering angle. I finally realized how much manipulation goes into these photos. Lighting, camera angles, and even just a change in posture can create a dramatic, but misleading, illusion of transformation. You have to look at them with a very critical eye.
Stop thinking you need to have a 10-step routine to have good skin; consistency with a few key products is better.
The Simple Solution
I was influenced by the trend of the 10-step skincare routine. I bought all the products: the oil cleanser, the foam cleanser, the toner, the essence, the serum, the ampoule… it was exhausting and expensive. My skin wasn’t even any better for it. I learned that you don’t need a dozen steps. A simple, consistent routine with three or four key, effective products—a gentle cleanser, a treatment serum, a moisturizer, and sunscreen—is so much more effective and sustainable than a complicated routine that you can’t stick with.
The #1 tip for not being influenced by marketing is to wait 24 hours before making a purchase.
The 24-Hour Rule
I was a marketer’s dream. I would see an ad for a new beauty product, get swept up in the hype and the promise, and buy it on impulse. My bathroom was full of these impulse purchases. The number one tip I learned to combat this was the 24-hour rule. Whenever I feel the urge to buy a new product, I force myself to wait a full 24 hours. This gives the initial excitement and urgency time to fade. After a day, I can think more clearly and ask myself, “Do I really need this?” Most of the time, the answer is no.
The biggest lie you’ve been told about luxury beauty is that it’s inherently better.
The Luxury Lie
I used to equate a high price tag with high quality. I would splurge on a $200 face cream, believing that the cost must mean it contained magical, superior ingredients. The biggest lie is that luxury products are always better. Often, you are paying a huge markup for the brand name, the heavy glass packaging, and the massive advertising budget. There are so many incredible, effective, and well-formulated products available at the drugstore for a fraction of the price. Don’t let the price tag fool you into thinking you’re getting better results.
I wish I knew this about the power of marketing when I bought my first expensive “miracle” cream.
The Marketing Magic
When I was younger, I saved up and bought my first very expensive “miracle” cream. The ad featured a beautiful, flawless model and made grand promises about reversing all signs of aging. I truly believed it was going to transform my skin. I wish I had known then about the power of marketing. I wasn’t just buying a cream; I was buying a promise, an aspiration, and a feeling. The cream itself was a decent moisturizer, but it was not a miracle. Understanding the psychology of marketing has made me a much savvier consumer.
I’m just going to say it: Influencer culture has made us all feel inadequate.
The Inadequacy Industry
I love watching my favorite beauty influencers, but I started to notice a pattern. Every single video was a “haul” of new products, a declaration that a certain item was a “holy grail,” only to be replaced by a new “holy grail” the following week. I’m just going to say it: this constant cycle of newness and consumption is designed to make us feel like what we already have is not good enough. It has created a culture of perpetual dissatisfaction and inadequacy. We are always chasing the next best thing, because we are told our current thing is outdated.
99% of people make this one mistake when a product goes viral on TikTok.
The Viral Velocity
A product will go viral on TikTok, and suddenly it’s sold out everywhere. The mistake that almost everyone makes is rushing out to buy it immediately, without asking a crucial question: “Is this product actually right for me?” They see a 20-year-old with oily skin raving about a matte foundation, and they buy it for their 40-year-old dry skin. A product going viral doesn’t mean it’s a universally good product. It just means it worked well for a certain person with a certain skin type.
This one small action of doing a “no-buy” month will change the way you appreciate the products you already own forever.
The No-Buy Nuance
My makeup collection was overflowing, but I was still constantly browsing for new things. I felt like I had nothing to wear. I decided to challenge myself to a “no-buy” month, where I was not allowed to purchase any new beauty products. This one small action was transformative. It forced me to get creative and to “shop my stash.” I rediscovered old favorites and found new ways to use the products I already owned. It broke the cycle of constant consumption and made me so much more grateful for the abundance I already had.
If you’re still buying products to “fix” yourself, you’re losing the opportunity to love yourself as you are.
The “Fix-It” Fallacy
My beauty purchases used to be driven by a desire to “fix” my perceived flaws. I bought products to shrink my pores, erase my wrinkles, and cover my blemishes. My entire routine was based on fixing what was “wrong” with me. If you are still buying products from this mindset, you are operating from a place of self-criticism, not self-care. True beauty comes from shifting that perspective. I now buy products that help me to nourish, support, and celebrate my skin, not to fix it. It’s about loving what you have.
Use beauty as a form of self-expression, not as a mask to hide behind.
The Mask vs. The Medium
There was a time when I wouldn’t leave the house without a full face of foundation. I was using my makeup as a mask, to hide my insecurities and my real skin. I was afraid of being seen without it. I had to learn to shift my relationship with makeup. Now, I see it as a form of joyful self-expression, not an obligation. It’s a fun way to play with color and to enhance my features, but it is not a shield. I am just as confident with a bare face as I am with a bold lip.
Stop feeling guilty for not looking like a 22-year-old model; their job is to look like that.
The Professional Problem
I would scroll through social media or magazines and feel a pang of guilt or frustration that I didn’t look like the 22-year-old models in the photos. I would compare my 35-year-old body and face to theirs and feel like I was failing. The thing we have to remember is that it is literally their full-time job to look that way. They have access to personal trainers, nutritionists, top dermatologists, and professional lighting and photoshop. You are a real person with a real life. It’s an unfair comparison.
Stop saving products for a “special occasion”; every day you’re alive is a special occasion.
The Special Occasion Syndrome
I had a bottle of a beautiful, expensive perfume and a luxurious body cream that I was saving for a “special occasion.” They sat on my shelf, collecting dust, for years. I was waiting for an event worthy of them. But life is unpredictable. I finally realized that every single day that I am healthy and alive is a special occasion. I started using my “good” products every day. It brought a little moment of joy and luxury into my ordinary routine and was a reminder to celebrate the present moment.
The #1 secret for confidence that has nothing to do with beauty is practicing a skill and getting good at it.
The Confidence Competency
I used to think that if I could just achieve a certain level of beauty, I would finally feel confident. But my confidence was always fleeting, dependent on a good hair day or clear skin. The number one secret to building real, lasting confidence has nothing to do with your appearance. It comes from competence. I decided to learn a new skill—in my case, it was baking bread. The process of practicing, failing, and eventually getting really good at it built a deep, unshakeable sense of self-esteem that no amount of makeup ever could.
The biggest lie you’ve been told about beauty is that it is selfless.
The Selfish Act of Beauty
We are often told that wanting to be beautiful is vain, frivolous, and selfish. We are supposed to focus on more important things. The lie is that an interest in beauty is inherently selfish. Taking the time to care for your body, to engage in a relaxing skincare ritual, or to express yourself creatively with makeup is a radical act of self-care in a world that often demands so much from us. It is not selfish to take time for yourself and to do things that make you feel good. It is necessary.
I wish I knew this about the connection between my mental health and my desire to shop for makeup.
The Retail Therapy
Whenever I was feeling sad, stressed, or bored, I would find myself scrolling through beauty websites and adding things to my cart. The little thrill of an online purchase and the excitement of getting a package would provide a temporary mood boost. I wish I had recognized this pattern sooner. My desire to shop for makeup was often a direct reflection of my mental state. I was using it as a coping mechanism. Learning to address the underlying feeling, instead of just buying another lipstick, was a much healthier approach.
I’m just going to say it: Your overflowing makeup collection is a source of anxiety, not joy.
The Collection Clutter
I used to be proud of my huge, overflowing makeup collection. I had drawers full of products. But getting ready in the morning became a source of stress. The sheer number of choices was overwhelming, and I felt guilty about all the products I wasn’t using. I’m just going to say it: for many of us, that huge collection is a source of anxiety. I decluttered my collection down to only the products that I truly love and use, and my routine became so much more peaceful and joyful.
99% of people make this one mistake when trying to declutter their beauty products.
The “Someday” Stockpile
I was trying to declutter my massive beauty collection. I would pick up a bright blue eyeshadow or a glittery lipstick that I hadn’t touched in years, and I would think, “But what if I need this for a costume party someday?” This is the mistake almost everyone makes. They keep things for a hypothetical, future “someday” that will likely never come. This “just in case” mindset is what keeps us buried in clutter. The key to a successful declutter is to be honest with yourself about your real, everyday life, not your fantasy life.
This one small habit of complimenting other women on something other than their appearance will change the way we all value ourselves forever.
The Compliment Shift
My default compliment for another woman was always something about her appearance: “I love your hair!” or “You look so pretty!” It was well-intentioned, but it was reinforcing the idea that our appearance is the most valuable thing about us. I started a small habit of shifting my compliments. Now, I try to praise something about their character, their intelligence, or their actions. Saying, “You were so articulate in that meeting,” or “That was so kind of you,” helps us to see and value the deeper, more meaningful attributes in ourselves and each other.
If you’re still following beauty “rules,” you’re losing the fun and creativity of makeup.
The Rule Breaker
I used to be a stickler for the beauty “rules.” Don’t wear a bold eye with a bold lip. Don’t wear glitter after a certain age. Don’t mix certain colors. I was so afraid of doing it “wrong.” If you are still following these arbitrary rules, you are missing the entire point of makeup. Makeup should be fun. It’s a tool for creativity and self-expression. The moment I gave myself permission to break the rules and to just play with color and texture, my relationship with makeup became so much more joyful and authentic.
Use your money to support brands that align with your values, not just the ones with the biggest ad spend.
The Value Vote
I used to buy my beauty products from the big, mega-brands that had the flashiest ads and were always in magazines. I never thought about what those companies stood for. I learned that my money is my vote. I started seeking out and supporting brands that aligned with my personal values—brands that were cruelty-free, committed to sustainability, or were founded by women of color. It feels so much better to know that my purchase is not just getting me a good product, but is also supporting a business that is trying to make the world a little better.
Stop striving for perfection; strive for feeling good in your own skin.
The Good-Enough Goal
My beauty goal for so many years was “perfection.” I wanted flawless skin, perfect hair, and a perfect body. It was an impossible standard that left me in a constant state of feeling “not good enough.” I finally realized that this was a miserable way to live. I shifted my goal from “perfection” to simply “feeling good.” My new goal is to feel healthy, strong, confident, and comfortable in my own skin. This is an attainable, joyful, and much kinder goal to strive for.
Stop thinking that beauty routines are only for women; skincare is for everyone.
The Genderless Glow
My brother used to wash his face with a harsh bar of soap and never used moisturizer. He thought that skincare was a “girly” thing. I finally convinced him that skincare has no gender. Everyone has skin, and everyone’s skin benefits from being properly cleansed, moisturized, and protected from the sun. Taking care of your skin is not about vanity; it’s about health, just like brushing your teeth. He finally adopted a simple routine, and his skin has never looked healthier.
The #1 tip for a positive beauty mindset is to focus on what your body can do, not just how it looks.
The Body’s Abilities
I used to be so fixated on how my body looked. I would obsess over every lump, bump, and roll. My mindset was so negative. The number one tip that helped me to heal my body image was to shift my focus from what my body looks like to what my body can do. I started to appreciate that my legs could carry me up a mountain, that my arms could hug the people I love, and that my body was a strong, resilient, and amazing vessel that allows me to experience the world.
The biggest lie you’ve been told about beauty is that it’s a competition.
The Comparison Curse
From a young age, we are taught to see other women as our competition. We compare our faces, our bodies, and our hair, and we are constantly ranking ourselves against each other. The biggest lie is that beauty is a zero-sum game. Another woman’s beauty does not diminish your own. There is not a limited supply of beauty in the world. Learning to genuinely celebrate the beauty in other women, without it making me feel insecure, was a powerful step in my own journey of self-acceptance.
I wish I knew this about how much photo editing was used in magazines when I was a teenager.
The Airbrushed Age
As a teenager, I would pore over fashion magazines, staring at the models with their impossibly long legs, tiny waists, and flawless skin. I truly believed that they looked like that in real life, and I would feel so inadequate in comparison. I wish I had known that every single one of those photos was heavily edited and airbrushed. Their skin texture was removed, their bodies were digitally altered. Knowing that I was comparing my real, human body to a computer-generated fantasy would have saved me so much angst.
I’m just going to say it: “Woke-washing” is the new greenwashing in the beauty industry.
The Woke Wash
First, it was “greenwashing,” where brands would pretend to be more sustainable than they were. Now, we have “woke-washing.” This is when a big corporation with questionable ethics will use the language of social justice, diversity, and empowerment in their marketing campaigns to seem progressive and to sell more products, without actually making any meaningful changes to their company structure or practices. I’m just going to say it: we have to look past the performative marketing and see what the company is actually doing.
99% of people make this one mistake when reading a negative product review.
The Review Reality
I would be so excited about a new product, and then I would read one scathing, one-star review and decide not to buy it. The mistake was letting one person’s bad experience completely sway my decision. When you read a negative review, you have to remember that you don’t know that person’s skin type, their preferences, or if they even used the product correctly. It’s much more effective to look at the overall consensus of the reviews, rather than letting one negative outlier scare you away from a product that might be perfect for you.
This one small action of curating your social media feed to be positive and inspiring will change the way you feel about yourself forever.
The Feed Fix
My social media feed used to be a minefield of things that made me feel bad. Accounts that promoted unrealistic body standards, content that made me feel like I wasn’t successful enough, and posts that just generally brought my mood down. The small action that had a huge impact on my mental health was to consciously curate my feed. I unfollowed anything that didn’t make me feel good, and I actively sought out and followed artists, poets, nature photographers, and inspiring people. Now, my feed is a source of joy, not comparison.
If you’re still letting a pimple ruin your day, you’re losing your power to a tiny spot on your skin.
The Pimple Power-Play
I used to wake up with a pimple and my entire day would be ruined. I would feel ugly and self-conscious, and I would cancel plans because I didn’t want to be seen. A tiny, temporary spot on my skin had complete control over my mood and my life. If you are still letting a pimple have this much power over you, you are giving away your own. I finally realized how ridiculous this was. Now, I just put a little concealer on it and get on with my life. It does not define me or my day.
Use beauty practices as a ritual of self-care, not a chore.
The Ritual, Not the Routine
My beauty routine used to feel like a list of chores I had to get through every day. Cleanse, tone, serum, moisturize. It was boring and I would often skip steps. I changed my mindset and started to think of it as a ritual of self-care. I would light a candle, play some calming music, and take my time, mindfully massaging the products into my skin. It transformed the experience from a tedious routine into a peaceful, grounding practice that I genuinely look forward to at the end of the day.
Stop thinking you need to look good for anyone but yourself.
The Gaze
For so many years, I would choose my outfit, my makeup, and my hairstyle based on what I thought other people would find attractive or appropriate. I was dressing for the perceived “gaze” of others—my partner, my boss, other women. I finally realized that the only person’s opinion who truly matters is my own. I started dressing and styling myself in a way that made me feel happy, confident, and authentic. The moment you stop trying to please everyone else, you find a new level of freedom and self-possession.
Stop buying a product because of its cute packaging; it’s what’s inside that counts.
The Packaging Trap
I am a sucker for cute packaging. I have been known to buy a product that I didn’t need at all, simply because it came in a beautifully designed bottle or a clever container. But more often than not, the product inside was mediocre at best. I had to learn to discipline myself and to ignore the siren song of pretty packaging. The most effective products sometimes come in the most boring, clinical-looking tubes. It’s what’s inside the bottle that you put on your skin, not the bottle itself.
The #1 secret for feeling beautiful is practicing gratitude for the body you have.
The Gratitude Attitude
I spent so many years at war with my body. I was always focused on the parts I didn’t like—my “too big” thighs, my “too small” chest. The secret that finally helped me to feel beautiful was to practice gratitude. I started to actively thank my body for what it does for me. I thank my legs for carrying me through the world, my arms for allowing me to hug my loved ones, and my body for being a strong and healthy home for my spirit. This shift from criticism to gratitude has been more transformative than any diet or beauty product.
The biggest lie you’ve been told about “effortless beauty” is that it’s effortless.
The Effortless Illusion
We are constantly shown images of celebrities and influencers with that “I woke up like this,” effortless beauty. They have perfect, beachy waves, glowing skin, and a “no-makeup” makeup look. The biggest lie is that this takes no effort. In reality, that “effortless” look is often the result of a huge amount of effort: expensive hair treatments, a meticulous skincare routine, subtle but skillfully applied makeup, and sometimes cosmetic procedures. True effortlessness is rare; what you are seeing is the illusion of it.
I wish I knew this about the lack of diversity in the beauty industry when I was struggling to find my foundation shade.
The Shade Struggle
As a woman of color, my early experiences at the makeup counter were incredibly frustrating. The foundation shade ranges were pathetic. There would be twenty shades of beige, and then one or two options for everyone else, which never matched my undertone. I wish I had known then that the problem wasn’t my skin; it was a deeply non-inclusive industry. The rise of brands like Fenty Beauty, which launched with 40 shades, has been revolutionary and has forced the rest of the industry to finally start catering to everyone.
I’m just going to say it: The beauty industry creates problems so it can sell you solutions.
The Problem-Solution Scheme
Have you ever heard of “strawberry legs” or “hip dips” before they became a trending topic on social media? Probably not. I’m just going to say it: the beauty industry is brilliant at creating a problem you didn’t know you had, and then conveniently selling you the product to “fix” it. They medicalize normal human variations to create insecurities. Recognizing this pattern is the key to breaking free from it. You don’t need a special cream for every single part of your body.
99% of people make this one mistake when they get a bad haircut or color.
The Silent Sufferer
I once got a haircut that was way shorter than I had asked for. I was devastated, but I just smiled, paid, and walked out of the salon, trying not to cry. This is the mistake almost everyone makes. We are afraid to speak up and hurt the stylist’s feelings. But a good professional wants you to be happy. It’s so much better to politely and calmly express your concerns right then and there. They can’t fix it if they don’t know you’re unhappy, and they may be able to make adjustments to improve the situation.
This one small habit of saying one nice thing to yourself in the mirror each morning will change the way you start your day forever.
The Mirror Mantra
My morning routine used to start with me looking in the mirror and immediately spotting my flaws—the pimple, the under-eye circles. It was such a negative way to begin the day. The small habit that changed this was to force myself to find one nice thing to say. It could be anything: “My eyes look bright today,” or “I have a kind smile.” Starting the day with a small moment of self-compassion, instead of self-criticism, has had a profound impact on my mood and my confidence for the rest of the day.
If you’re still waiting to feel beautiful to be confident, you’re losing the fact that confidence is what makes you beautiful.
The Confidence-Beauty Reversal
I used to think, “If I could just lose ten pounds,” or “If my skin was clear, then I would finally be confident.” I was waiting for my appearance to change before I would allow myself to feel good. I had it completely backward. You don’t become confident when you become beautiful. You become beautiful when you become confident. Confidence—the way you carry yourself, the way you speak, the way you engage with the world—is a radiant, attractive quality that has nothing to do with your physical features. It shines from the inside out.
Use your voice to demand more inclusivity from beauty brands, not just accepting the bare minimum.
The Demand for Diversity
For years, the beauty industry catered almost exclusively to a narrow range of skin tones and body types. As consumers, many of us just accepted the limited options we were given. But we have power. I learned to use my voice and my wallet to demand more. I started supporting brands that showed true diversity in their campaigns and shade ranges, and I would email or comment on the social media of brands that were falling short. Using our collective voice to push for more inclusivity is how real change happens.
Stop focusing on what you lack; highlight the features you love about yourself instead.
The Feature Focus
I spent so much of my energy trying to fix the things I didn’t like about my appearance. I was trying to make my thin lips look fuller and my round face look more angular. It was exhausting. I finally decided to shift my focus. Instead of trying to change what I lacked, I started to celebrate what I had. I started playing up my favorite features, like my eyes. This positive approach was so much more joyful and made me feel so much more confident than when I was constantly focused on my perceived flaws.
Stop thinking that spending more money on products will make you happier.
The Happiness Myth
I was caught in a cycle of “retail therapy.” Whenever I felt down, I would convince myself that buying a new, expensive lipstick or face cream would make me happy. It would provide a temporary thrill, but the happiness never lasted. I learned that you can’t buy genuine, lasting happiness in a bottle. While beauty products can be fun and make you feel good temporarily, true contentment comes from relationships, experiences, and a sense of purpose, not from a new purchase.
The #1 tip for a healthy relationship with beauty is to take regular breaks from it.
The Beauty Break
I was so immersed in the world of beauty. I was constantly watching tutorials, reading reviews, and thinking about new products. It started to feel less like a fun hobby and more like a high-pressure job. The best tip for maintaining a healthy perspective is to take regular breaks. I started implementing “no-makeup weekends” or weeks where I would completely unplug from all beauty content. These breaks helped me to reconnect with myself outside of my appearance and reminded me that beauty is just one small, fun part of my life, not the whole thing.
The biggest lie you’ve been told about modeling is that it’s all glamorous.
The Un-Glamorous Truth
We see the final, glossy photos of models in magazines and think their life must be a constant stream of glamour and excitement. The lie is that it’s all fabulous. The reality of being a model often involves long, grueling days on set, constant rejection at castings, pressure to maintain an unrealistic body size, and loneliness from constant travel. It’s a job, and like any job, it has its un-glamorous, difficult, and demanding sides. The final image is just a tiny fraction of the whole story.
I wish I knew this about how algorithms are designed to make me feel insecure and keep me buying things.
The Algorithm’s Aim
I would be scrolling on social media, and after looking at one post about a new serum, my entire feed would be flooded with ads for skincare, videos about “fixing” wrinkles, and content that made me feel like my skin wasn’t good enough. I wish I had known that the algorithm is not a neutral party. It’s designed to learn your insecurities and then feed you content that amplifies them, because insecure people are good consumers. Realizing that my feed was being curated to make me want to shop was a powerful way to resist its influence.
I’m just going to say it: There’s no such thing as a “flaw.”
The Flawless Fallacy
The beauty industry loves to talk about our “flaws.” Our wrinkles, our pores, our cellulite. They create a problem so they can sell us a solution. I’m just going to say it: there’s no such thing as a flaw. These are just normal, human variations. Pores are a normal part of skin. Cellulite is a normal secondary sex characteristic for most women. A “flaw” is just a feature that someone has decided is undesirable in order to sell you something. Reclaiming these as normal parts of you is a radical act of self-love.
99% of people make this one mistake when trying to replicate a celebrity’s look.
The Celebrity Copycat
I would see a celebrity on the red carpet with a stunning makeup look and I would try to replicate it exactly. I’d buy the same lipstick and use the same techniques. But it would never look quite right on me. The mistake was trying to copy it exactly, without considering my own unique features. That smokey eye was designed for their specific eye shape. That contour was for their bone structure. The key is to take inspiration from the look, but to adapt the placement and techniques to flatter your own face.
This one small action of unsubscribing from marketing emails will change the way you curb impulse purchases forever.
The Unsubscribe Unburdening
My inbox was a constant temptation. Every single day, I would get dozens of emails from beauty brands announcing a new launch, a limited-time sale, or a “must-have” product. It created a constant sense of urgency and a desire to buy things I didn’t need. The small action that made the biggest difference in my spending habits was to hit the “unsubscribe” button. It took an hour to go through and unsubscribe from all of them, but it has saved me so much money and has given me so much peace of mind.
If you’re still judging other people’s beauty choices, you’re losing an opportunity for compassion.
The Judgment-Free Zone
I used to be judgmental about other people’s beauty choices. I would silently critique someone’s over-the-top makeup or their choice of cosmetic surgery. I thought it was harmless. But judging others is often a reflection of our own insecurities. If you are still judging other people, you are missing an opportunity to practice compassion and to recognize that everyone is on their own journey. People make choices for reasons we know nothing about. Letting go of that judgment has made me a much kinder person, to others and to myself.
Use beauty as a tool for connection, not for division.
The Connection Catalyst
The beauty world can often feel competitive and divisive. We compare ourselves to others and judge their choices. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Beauty can be a powerful tool for connection. I’ve bonded with friends over a shared love for a certain lipstick, I’ve had wonderful conversations with strangers about their unique perfume, and I’ve learned so much from other women by sharing tips and tricks. When we use beauty as a way to share joy and appreciate artistry, it brings us closer together.
Stop thinking that being “low maintenance” is a virtue; taking care of yourself is not something to be ashamed of.
The “Low Maintenance” Lie
For a long time, I wanted to be seen as a “low maintenance” girl. I thought it was a compliment, that it meant I was easy-going and not vain. I would downplay the effort I put into my appearance. But this is a trap. There is nothing wrong with taking the time and effort to care for yourself. Whether it’s a 10-step skincare routine or a simple daily walk, these are acts of self-respect. You should never feel ashamed for investing in your own well-being.
Stop consuming content that makes you feel like you’re “doing it wrong.”
The Content Cleanse
I used to follow a lot of “experts” who had very rigid rules about the “right” and “wrong” way to do things. Their content was full of “don’ts” and “mistakes,” and it always left me feeling like I was failing. I finally realized I had to stop consuming this type of content. There are many different ways to be healthy and beautiful. I now seek out content creators who have a more flexible, positive, and inclusive approach, and who make me feel empowered, not shamed.
The #1 secret for aging gracefully is to cultivate a rich inner life.
The Inner World
I see so many people who are terrified of aging, and they pour all their resources into trying to maintain their external, youthful appearance. The real secret to aging gracefully has very little to do with your face. It’s about cultivating a rich inner life. Having hobbies you are passionate about, nurturing deep relationships, staying curious and continuing to learn, and having a sense of purpose are the things that will keep your spirit vibrant and your life full of joy, long after your youth has faded.
The biggest lie you’ve been told about the “perfect body” is that it exists and is attainable.
The Perfect Body Myth
For my entire life, I have been shown images of the “perfect” body. In my youth, it was super-thin. Now, it’s curvy but with a flat stomach. The standard is always changing, but the message is the same: there is an ideal, and you should be striving for it. The biggest lie is that this “perfect body” is a real, attainable thing for most people. It’s a computer-generated, surgically-enhanced, genetically-gifted fantasy. Chasing it is a recipe for a lifetime of dissatisfaction. Your body is not a problem to be solved.
I wish I knew this about the difference between inspiration and comparison when I was looking at beauty content.
The Inspiration-Comparison Divide
I would look at beautiful images on social media and tell myself I was just looking for “inspiration.” But I would always walk away feeling bad about myself. I wish I had understood the difference between inspiration and comparison. Inspiration leaves you feeling energized and motivated to try something new. Comparison leaves you feeling drained and inadequate. Learning to recognize that feeling in my gut was key. If a piece of content makes me feel bad, it’s not inspiration, and I need to unfollow.
I’m just going to say it: True confidence is the most attractive quality, and it can’t be bought.
The Un-buyable Beauty
The beauty industry wants you to believe that you can buy confidence in a jar or with a new lipstick. But those things only provide a temporary, external boost. I’m just going to say it: true, deep, unshakeable confidence is the most attractive quality a person can possess, and it cannot be purchased. It’s built from the inside out. It’s built by keeping promises to yourself, by mastering new skills, by being a kind person, and by learning to love and accept yourself. And that kind of beauty is magnetic.
99% of people make this one mistake when receiving a compliment.
The Compliment Deflection
When someone would give me a compliment, my immediate reaction was to deflect it. If they said, “I love your dress,” I would say, “Oh, this old thing? I got it on sale.” If they said, “You did a great job,” I would point out my mistakes. This is a mistake so many of us make. We are uncomfortable accepting praise. I learned to just say a simple, gracious, “Thank you.” It not only allows you to receive the kindness being offered, but it also validates the other person’s opinion.
This one small habit of enjoying your morning coffee without your phone will change the way you feel about your life’s beauty forever.
The Analog Anchor
My morning used to start with a chaotic scroll through my phone while I gulped down my coffee. I was starting my day with a dose of news, emails, and other people’s curated lives. The small habit that changed this was to have my morning coffee completely phone-free. I just sit and look out the window, listen to the birds, and savor the taste of the coffee. This small, analog moment of peace anchors my day in my own real, beautiful life, not the digital world.
If you’re still putting your life on hold until you reach a certain beauty goal, you’re losing precious time.
The “When-Then” Trap
I used to live my life in the “when-then” trap. “When I lose ten pounds, then I’ll buy new clothes.” “When my skin clears up, then I’ll start dating.” I was putting my life on hold, waiting for my physical appearance to reach a certain standard before I would allow myself to be happy and to live fully. If you are doing this, you are wasting precious, unrepeatable moments of your life. Your life is happening right now, in the body you have today. Don’t wait.
Use your beauty knowledge to empower others, not to make them feel inferior.
The Beauty Buddy
The beauty community can sometimes be a place of one-upmanship and judgment. People use their knowledge to make others feel like they are “doing it wrong.” I decided to use my passion for beauty in a different way. When a friend asks for advice, I share what I know in a helpful, non-judgmental way. I use my knowledge to empower the people around me, to help them feel good, not to make myself feel superior. Beauty should be a tool for lifting each other up.
Stop participating in gossip about people’s appearances.
The Gossip Cesspool
It’s so easy to get drawn into conversations that are about critiquing other people’s appearances—a celebrity’s plastic surgery, a coworker’s outfit. It can feel like a bonding experience. But participating in this kind of gossip is toxic. It not only is unkind to the person being discussed, but it also reinforces the idea that it’s okay for us to be judged on our appearances. I made a conscious choice to just walk away or change the subject when a conversation turns to gossip. It makes me feel like a better person.
Stop thinking that a makeover will solve your internal problems.
The Makeover Myth
Whenever I was going through a tough time in my life, I would have the urge to get a dramatic makeover. I’d dye my hair a crazy color or buy a whole new wardrobe, thinking that changing my outside would fix what was wrong on the inside. But the new look would only provide a temporary distraction. A makeover is a fun change, but it’s not therapy. It cannot solve deep-seated issues of unhappiness or insecurity. That is an inside job that requires real, internal work.
The #1 tip for a healthier mindset is to diversify your media consumption with different ages, races, and body types.
The Media Mirror
The media I was consuming for years—the movies, the TV shows, the magazines—was showing me a very narrow and repetitive version of beauty. It was almost exclusively young, thin, white, and able-bodied. This was warping my perception of what was “normal” and “beautiful.” The number one tip for breaking this spell is to actively diversify your media diet. I started seeking out and watching content that featured people of all different ages, races, sizes, and abilities. It helped to retrain my brain and to appreciate the vast, diverse spectrum of human beauty.
The biggest lie you’ve been told by the diet industry is that it’s about health and not about money.
The Diet Deception
The diet industry is brilliant at marketing itself as a “health” and “wellness” industry. It uses the language of health to sell you weight loss plans, special foods, and supplements. The biggest lie is that its primary concern is your well-being. At its core, the multi-billion dollar diet industry is a business that profits from your insecurity about your body. It is designed to make you fail so that you will come back and buy the next new diet plan. True health is about sustainable habits, not restrictive diets.
I wish I knew this about how much my own negative self-talk was affecting my perception of my beauty.
The Inner Critic
I used to have a constant, running commentary of negative self-talk in my head, especially when I looked in the mirror. I was my own worst critic. I didn’t realize how much this inner voice was clouding my perception. I could have looked like a supermodel, and my inner critic still would have found a flaw. I wish I had known that the way I was speaking to myself was more damaging than any physical “flaw” could ever be. Learning to challenge that voice and to speak to myself with kindness has been the most transformative beauty practice of all.
I’m just going to say it: The concept of a “glow up” implies you weren’t good enough before.
The “Glow Up” Gloom
The “glow up” is a huge trend on social media, where people show their transformation from an “awkward” past self to a more conventionally attractive present self. While it can be fun, I’m just going to say it: the concept is problematic. It implies that your past self was not good enough and that your value has increased because your appearance has changed. It reinforces the idea that beauty is the ultimate achievement. We should be able to evolve and change without invalidating the person we were before.
99% of people make this one mistake when they don’t see immediate results from a new product.
The Impatient User
I used to be so impatient with my skincare products. I would buy a new serum that promised to fade dark spots or smooth wrinkles, and if I didn’t see a dramatic difference in a week, I would declare it a failure and move on to the next thing. The mistake is expecting instant gratification. Most skincare products, especially those that create real, cellular change, take time to work. You need to use a product consistently for at least four to six weeks to be able to truly judge its effectiveness.
This one small action of creating a “beauty gratitude” list will change the way you see your own unique features forever.
The Gratitude List
I was always so focused on the parts of my face I wanted to change. I wanted a smaller nose, bigger lips, better skin. I started a small practice. I took out a piece of paper and made a “beauty gratitude” list. I forced myself to write down all the features I was thankful for. My list included my expressive eyebrows, my mom’s smile, and the color of my eyes. This simple action of shifting my focus from what I lacked to what I loved completely changed my relationship with my own face.
If you’re still letting a number on a scale define your worth, you’re losing sight of everything you are.
The Scale’s Tyranny
The number on my bathroom scale used to have complete control over my mood. A lower number meant a good day, and a higher number meant a bad day. My entire sense of self-worth was tied to that fluctuating, arbitrary number. If you are still letting a scale define you, you are reducing the incredible, complex, multi-faceted person that you are down to a simple measure of your relationship with gravity. Your worth is in your character, your kindness, your intelligence, and your spirit. It has nothing to do with a number.
Use the “unfollow” and “mute” buttons liberally, not just scrolling past negative content.
The Social Media Shield
I used to just passively scroll past content on social media that made me feel bad. I thought that ignoring it was enough. But it was still seeping into my subconscious. I learned that the “unfollow” and “mute” buttons are my most powerful tools for creating a healthy online environment. I am the curator of my own feed. If an account consistently makes me feel anxious, jealous, or inadequate, I have the power to remove it from my space. It’s not rude; it’s essential self-preservation.
Stop feeling like you owe anyone “pretty.”
The “Pretty” Prison
As a woman, I was raised with the subtle but pervasive message that I owed the world “pretty.” It felt like a part of my social obligation was to be aesthetically pleasing to others. This is a prison. You do not owe anyone a certain appearance. You don’t owe it to your partner, your boss, or strangers on the street. Your body and your face are your own, and how you choose to present them to the world is entirely your choice. Your value is not in your appearance, and you are not required to be decorative for the benefit of others.
Stop buying things from brands that don’t show people who look like you in their advertising.
The Representation Reflection
I used to buy products from brands whose advertising campaigns featured only one type of person—usually young, thin, and white. I didn’t see myself reflected, but I bought the products anyway. I realized that by giving them my money, I was tacitly endorsing their narrow vision of beauty. I made a conscious choice to stop. I now seek out and support brands that showcase a diverse range of ages, skin tones, and body types in their marketing. My money is my vote for a more inclusive industry.
The #1 secret for being truly beautiful is to be a kind and interesting person.
The Inner Beauty
We spend so much time and energy on our external appearance. But think about the people you find most truly, deeply beautiful. Are they beautiful because of their perfect skin or their symmetrical features? Or are they beautiful because of the way they light up a room, the passion with which they speak about their interests, and the kindness they show to others? The ultimate beauty secret is that what is on the inside inevitably shines through to the outside. A kind heart and a curious mind are the most attractive qualities a person can possess.
The biggest lie you’ve been told about beauty is that it is objective.
The Subjective Standard
We are taught to believe that there is a universal, objective standard of beauty. But this is a lie. The ideal of beauty changes dramatically across different cultures and throughout different historical periods. What is considered beautiful in one place might not be in another. Beauty is not a fixed, objective fact; it is a fluid, subjective, and culturally constructed idea. Understanding this is so freeing. It means there is not one “right” way to be beautiful, and it opens up space for us to define beauty for ourselves.
I wish I knew this about the freedom that comes from accepting your appearance when I was younger.
The Acceptance Advantage
I spent so many years of my youth fighting against my appearance. I fought my curly hair, I fought my freckles, I fought my body shape. It was an exhausting, constant battle that I was never going to win. I wish I had known the profound sense of peace and freedom that comes from simply accepting yourself as you are. It doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with makeup or style, but it means you are starting from a place of love and acceptance, not a place of war. That acceptance frees up so much mental energy for more important things.
I’m just going to say it: Your partner probably can’t tell the difference between your 15 different nude lipsticks.
The Nude Illusion
I used to agonize over which of my 15 nearly identical nude lipsticks to wear. I would swatch them all, convinced that one was slightly more “peachy” and another was a bit more “beige.” I’m just going to say it: to the untrained eye, they all look the same. My partner, my friends, my family—they would never be able to tell the difference. While it’s fun for us to appreciate the subtle nuances, it’s also important to have a sense of perspective and not to get too stressed out over these tiny details that no one else will ever notice.
99% of people make this one mistake when they feel insecure.
The Comparison Trap
When I feel a pang of insecurity, my first, almost unconscious, instinct is to pick up my phone and start scrolling through social media. This is the worst possible thing I could do. It’s like pouring salt in a wound. When you are already feeling low, comparing your real life to the curated highlight reels of others will only make you feel worse. The mistake is reaching for comparison when you feel insecure. The better choice is to reach for connection—call a friend, hug a loved one, or just go outside.
This one small habit of investing time in your hobbies will change the way you build confidence outside of your appearance forever.
The Hobby Habit
My confidence used to be entirely dependent on how I looked on a given day. It was a very fragile sense of self. The small habit that helped me to build a more resilient form of confidence was to invest time in my hobbies. I started painting again, something I hadn’t done since I was a kid. The process of learning, creating, and getting better at something that had nothing to do with my appearance gave me a deep sense of competence and pride. My confidence was now rooted in my abilities, not just my reflection.
If you’re still trying to be someone else’s version of beautiful, you’re losing the chance to be your own.
The Imitation Game
I spent my teenage years trying to look exactly like the popular girls at my school. I copied their hair, their clothes, their makeup. I thought that if I could just look like them, I would be happy and accepted. I was so busy trying to be a copy of someone else that I never took the time to figure out who I actually was. If you are still trying to fit into someone else’s mold of beauty, you are sacrificing your own unique, authentic self. The world doesn’t need another copy; it needs you.
Use your social media platform to show real, unedited texture, not just filtered perfection.
The Real Reel
My social media feed, like many others, was full of perfectly smooth, filtered faces. I realized that by only posting my most flattering, edited photos, I was contributing to the same problem that was making me feel insecure. I made a conscious choice to start showing more reality. I started posting photos with no filter, where you could see my skin texture, my flyaway hairs, and my real smile. It was scary at first, but the positive response from people who were relieved to see something real was so rewarding.
Stop apologizing for your appearance, whether it’s for not wearing makeup or for having a breakout.
The Unapologetic You
I used to apologize constantly for my appearance. If I wasn’t wearing makeup, I would say, “Sorry, I look so tired.” If I had a pimple, I would point it out before anyone else could. I was apologizing for just being a normal human. I finally decided to stop. My appearance is not something I need to apologize for. It is not an inconvenience to others. By refusing to apologize, I am reclaiming my confidence and sending the message that I am worthy and acceptable, exactly as I am in that moment.
Stop seeking validation from others; learn to validate yourself.
The Inner Approval
I used to live for compliments. A positive comment from someone else could make my day, and a lack of one could make me question myself. My sense of self-worth was completely dependent on external validation. The most important journey I ever took was learning how to validate myself. I learned to be my own cheerleader, to praise my own efforts, and to be proud of my own accomplishments, regardless of whether anyone else noticed. When you can get your approval from within, you become unshakable.
The #1 tip for building a timeless personal style is to ignore fleeting trends.
The Timeless Test
I used to be a slave to trends. If low-rise jeans were in, I wore them, even if they didn’t flatter me. I was constantly buying new things to keep up. The result was a closet full of clothes I didn’t really love. The number one tip for building a truly great personal style is to ignore the fleeting trends and to figure out what you genuinely feel good in. It’s about understanding your own body shape, your lifestyle, and your personality, and choosing classic, well-made pieces that reflect that.
The biggest lie you’ve been told about beauty is that it’s for other people.
The Beauty Gaze
We are often taught that the purpose of beauty—makeup, hair, fashion—is to make ourselves more attractive to others. We do it for a partner, for a job, for social acceptance. The lie is that beauty is an external performance. The most joyful and empowering relationship with beauty comes when you realize that it is for you. It’s about the pleasure of the ritual, the creativity of the process, and the confidence that it gives you. It’s an act of self-adornment, and you are the only audience that truly matters.
I wish I knew this about the power of a genuine smile when I was obsessed with having perfect teeth.
The Smile’s Secret
I used to be so self-conscious about my teeth. They weren’t perfectly straight or Hollywood-white. I would often smile with my mouth closed, trying to hide them. I was so focused on the “perfection” of my teeth that I was holding back my joy. I wish I had known that the power of a smile has nothing to do with how straight your teeth are. A genuine, heartfelt smile that reaches your eyes is one of the most beautiful and radiant expressions a person can have. It’s about the emotion, not the enamel.
I’m just going to say it: Beauty can be a fun and creative outlet, and it doesn’t have to be any deeper than that.
The Fun Factor
Sometimes, the conversation around beauty gets so serious. We talk about self-care, empowerment, and psychology. And all of that is valid. But I’m just going to say it: sometimes, beauty is just fun. There is no deeper meaning behind my decision to wear a glittery eyeshadow. I’m not making a political statement; I just think it’s pretty and it makes me happy. We need to leave room for the pure, simple joy and playfulness of it all. It doesn’t always have to be a profound act; sometimes, it’s just makeup.
99% of people make this one mistake when they start a new wellness journey.
The All-or-Nothing Approach
Every time I would start a new “wellness journey,” I would go all-in. I’d commit to working out seven days a week, completely overhauling my diet, and meditating daily. It was an all-or-nothing approach. And within a week, I would inevitably burn out, “fail,” and then give up completely. This is the mistake almost everyone makes. A sustainable wellness journey is about making small, incremental changes. Start with one new habit, master it, and then add another. It’s a slow and steady process, not a sprint.
This one small habit of romanticizing your own life will change the way you perceive beauty in your everyday routine forever.
The Romantic Gaze
My daily life used to feel so mundane and boring. I would just go through the motions. I started a small habit of trying to “romanticize” my own life. I would light a candle while I did the dishes, I would put my morning coffee in a beautiful mug and sit by the window, I would play music while I folded laundry. This practice of intentionally finding and creating small moments of beauty in my everyday routines has completely changed my perspective. My ordinary life started to feel extraordinary.
If you’re still thinking that a beauty product will change your life, you’re losing sight of the fact that you are the one with the power to change your life.
The Power in You
I used to put so much faith in beauty products. I thought that if I could just find the right face cream or the perfect foundation, it would magically solve my problems and change my life. The truth is, no product has that power. A product can make you feel good for a moment, but it cannot change your circumstances, your mindset, or your relationships. If you are still waiting for a product to change your life, you are forgetting that you, and only you, have the power to do that.