Stop smiling constantly to seem friendly. Use a neutral, confident expression and smile when it’s genuine instead.
The Smile I Retired for the Sake of Respect
In my first corporate job, I wore a permanent, slightly pained smile. I thought it made me look friendly and approachable. In reality, I noticed that people didn’t take me very seriously; I came across as eager to please, not competent. I observed the most respected director in the company—he had a calm, neutral default expression. He wasn’t unfriendly, but he smiled when he meant it. I tried it. I stopped the constant grinning. The change was palpable. People started treating my opinions with more weight, and my genuine smiles, now rare, had a much greater impact.
Stop walking quickly and erratically. Walk with a slower, more deliberate, and grounded pace instead.
The Walk That Changed My Office Presence
I used to rush everywhere. I’d scurry through the office hallways, head down, weaving between people like I was late for a fire. I thought it made me look busy and important. One day, my mentor pulled me aside and said, “Slow down. You look panicked, not purposeful.” He pointed out that the CEO always walked with a slow, deliberate pace. I took his advice. I started walking at about 75% of my normal speed. I felt more in control, more observant, and people started moving out of my way.
Stop filling silences with chatter. Embrace comfortable silence and hold frame instead.
The Power of the Pause in a Salary Negotiation
During my first salary negotiation, the hiring manager threw out a number that was lower than I wanted. My immediate instinct was to panic and start rambling, justifying why I deserved more. Instead, I remembered a tip I’d read: embrace the silence. After she stated the offer, I simply paused. I looked at her with a calm expression and said nothing for what felt like an eternity (it was probably 10 seconds). She was the first to break, immediately saying, “But there’s some flexibility there, of course.” I had gained leverage without saying a word.
Stop nodding constantly when someone is talking. Give them your full attention with steady eye contact and nod only at key moments instead.
The Day I Stopped Being a Bobblehead
I used to be a “bobblehead” listener. While my boss was talking, I would nod constantly, thinking it showed I was engaged. But I noticed he would often talk over me or seem to rush through his points. I decided to try an experiment. The next time he spoke, I stayed perfectly still, maintained direct eye contact, and only gave a single, deliberate nod when he made a truly important point. He slowed down, his tone became more conversational, and he actually paused to ask for my opinion. My stillness commanded his respect.
Stop using uptalk (ending sentences with a rising inflection). End your sentences with a downward inflection to sound more certain instead.
The Vocal Habit That Was Killing My Credibility
I was presenting my project update in a team meeting. I knew my stuff inside and out, but I noticed my manager looked unconvinced. I recorded myself practicing later and was horrified. Every single sentence ended with a rising inflection, making my statements sound like uncertain questions? It sounded like I was asking for permission to have an opinion? I practiced ending my sentences with a firm, downward tone. The next time I presented, the difference was night and day. I sounded certain, and my ideas landed with authority.
Stop breaking eye contact first. Hold it for a second longer than is comfortable to build presence instead.
The Extra Second That Changed My Conversations
I was always the first one to break eye contact. Whether I was talking to a friend or my boss, I’d get uncomfortable and my eyes would dart away. It made me feel subordinate and a little bit shifty. I gave myself a challenge: in every conversation, I would hold eye contact for just one second longer than felt comfortable. It was awkward at first, but it had a powerful effect. It signaled confidence and presence. I felt more grounded in my conversations, and I noticed that people started taking me more seriously.
Stop slouching to seem “relatable.” Stand up straight with your shoulders back to project confidence instead.
The Posture That Made Me More Approachable
I used to slouch intentionally, especially around senior leaders. I thought it made me seem less intimidating, more casual and relatable. In reality, it just made me look insecure and sloppy. I decided to start practicing good posture—standing tall with my shoulders back. I worried I’d come off as arrogant, but the opposite happened. People seemed more drawn to me. My newfound confidence was inviting, not intimidating. I learned that people are more comfortable around someone who is comfortable in their own skin.
Stop giving one-word answers. Learn to elaborate and tell short, engaging stories instead.
How “Good” Became a Terrible Answer
At a networking event, a senior executive asked me how my week was going. “Good,” I replied, and the conversation died instantly. I watched him move on to someone else and ask the same question. That person replied, “It’s been great! I finally solved a bug that’s been plaguing our team for two weeks. It felt like defusing a bomb.” The executive lit up, and they launched into an animated conversation. I realized then that every question is an opportunity. I stopped giving one-word answers and started sharing mini-stories.
Stop keeping your hands in your pockets. Use them to gesture calmly and deliberately instead.
The Presentation I Gave With My Hands Tied
I was giving a presentation to my team and felt like I wasn’t connecting. I was nervous, and my hands were buried deep in my pockets. My manager’s feedback was blunt: “You look like you’re hiding something.” For the next presentation, I made a conscious effort to keep my hands out and use them to gesture. I used them to illustrate points and add emphasis. It felt unnatural at first, but it completely changed my delivery. I looked more confident, felt more engaged, and my message finally landed with the impact I intended.
Stop laughing at everything. Reserve your laugh for things that are genuinely funny to give it more value.
The Nervous Laugh That Was Undermining Me
I used to be a nervous laugher. In meetings, I’d laugh at my boss’s bad jokes, I’d laugh when I was unsure of an answer, I’d laugh after my own sentences. I thought it made me seem easygoing. A mentor pointed out that it was actually making me seem submissive and that it devalued my presence. I made a conscious effort to stop. I reserved my laugh for things I genuinely found funny. My silence after a bad joke was more powerful than my laughter ever was, and my own contributions were taken more seriously.