Use expansive posture (taking up space), not closed-off posture.
The Meeting Where I Finally Became Visible
I used to shrink in meetings. I’d sit hunched over, elbows tucked in, making myself as small as possible. Unsurprisingly, I felt invisible, and my ideas were often overlooked. I saw a presentation on body language that mentioned “power posing.” Before my next big team meeting, I consciously decided to try it. I sat up straight, placed my hands on the table, and opened my posture to take up more space. The change was internal at first—I felt more confident. Then, I noticed my manager making eye contact with me, and people listened when I spoke.
Stop looking at the ground when you walk. Start looking forward with your chin up instead.
How I Changed My Aura in the Hallway
I was always anxious at my first job, and I walked through the office like a mouse, my eyes glued to the floor, hoping no one would notice me. An older mentor pulled me aside one day and gave me the simplest advice: “Chin up, look ahead.” It felt incredibly awkward at first, like I was being defiant. But as I forced myself to walk down the hall looking straight ahead, I noticed people would smile and say hello. I went from feeling like an intruder to feeling like a part of the team.
Use a firm, dry handshake, not a limp, sweaty one.
The First Impression I Wish I Could Redo
I was incredibly nervous for my first big job interview. When the hiring manager reached out his hand, I gave him what I can only describe as a limp, sweaty fish. I saw a flicker of a reaction on his face. I was qualified for the job, but I didn’t get it. I can’t say for sure it was the handshake, but I know it set a terrible first impression of someone lacking confidence. For my next interview, I made sure my hand was dry and practiced a firm, confident grip. It’s the first physical point of contact—it matters.
Stop fidgeting. Start practicing stillness and deliberate movement instead.
The Power of Being Still
I used to be a chronic fidgeter—bouncing my leg, clicking my pen, constantly shifting in my chair. I thought it was just excess energy, but I noticed it made me look nervous and unsure during important conversations. I started observing the most respected senior leader in my company; he was incredibly still. His movements were minimal and deliberate. I began practicing stillness myself, consciously keeping my hands calm and my feet planted. It made me feel more grounded, and I noticed that people started taking my words more seriously.
Use direct eye contact when listening, not darting your eyes around.
The Connection I Was Missing
I always struggled to connect with new people, feeling like my conversations were superficial. I asked a friend for honest feedback, and he said, “You never really look at me when I’m talking.” I realized he was right. My eyes were always darting around the room, looking for an escape. I made a conscious effort to maintain eye contact when listening. It felt intense at first, but it signaled that I was genuinely engaged. My conversations became more meaningful, and my relationships at work and in my personal life deepened significantly.
Stop speaking quickly with a high pitch. Start speaking slowly and from your diaphragm instead.
Finding My “Command” Voice
I had good ideas, but whenever I presented them in meetings, they seemed to fall flat. I recorded myself practicing one day and was horrified. I was speaking so quickly and from my throat, making my voice sound high-pitched and anxious. I started doing breathing exercises to learn to speak from my diaphragm, focusing on a lower, slower, and more measured pace. The next time I spoke in a meeting, I could feel the difference. My words had more weight, the room was quiet, and people were actually listening to the idea, not just hearing my anxiety.
Use a genuine “Duchenne” smile, not a fake, forced one.
The Smile That Reached My Eyes
In my first customer service job, I was told to “always be smiling.” So I plastered on a fake grin all day. It was exhausting and felt completely disingenuous. A trainer explained the concept of a “Duchenne” smile—a genuine smile that involves the muscles around the eyes. The trick, she said, was to think of something genuinely happy or funny right before greeting someone. Instead of just moving my mouth, I felt a real warmth spread across my face. Customers responded instantly, their own smiles becoming more genuine in return.
Stop leaning away from people. Start leaning in slightly to show engagement instead.
The Subtle Shift That Changed the Conversation
I was on a date that felt like it was going nowhere. The conversation was stilted, and I felt a growing distance between us. I suddenly became aware of my own body language: I was leaning back and away from the table, creating a physical barrier. As an experiment, I shifted my posture, leaning in just slightly. The effect was immediate. My date mirrored my posture, also leaning in, and the entire energy of the conversation changed. It became more intimate and engaged. It was a powerful lesson in how posture can lead the way.
Use hand gestures to emphasize points, not keeping your hands in your pocket.
Letting My Hands Do Some of the Talking
During a practice presentation, my manager told me I came across as stiff and unenthusiastic, even though I was passionate about the topic. The feedback? “Get your hands out of your pockets.” I hadn’t even realized they were there. For the real presentation, I made a conscious effort to use my hands to explain concepts and emphasize key points. It not only made me appear more dynamic and confident, but gesturing actually helped me think more clearly and articulate my points more effectively. My hands went from being hidden liabilities to being expressive assets.
Stop apologizing for taking up space. Start owning your presence instead.
The Word I Banned From My Vocabulary
I used to start every sentence with an apology. “Sorry to bother you,” “Sorry, just a quick question,” “Sorry, can I add something?” A mentor pointed out that I was apologizing for my very existence, which undermined my credibility before I even said what I wanted to say. She challenged me to ban the word “sorry” unless I had truly made an error. Instead of “Sorry, do you have a second?” I started saying, “Do you have a second?” It was a tiny change in wording but a massive shift in presence.